Denver's fabulous!

Yes, it finally happened. After waiting for a ridiculously long time, I set my foot on Amreeka'n soil on 10th May 2009. The place is Denver, Colorado also called the Mile High City. It gets such a name because it is roughly a mile high above mean sea level. :) It's got the Rocky Mountains towards the west and from what I have seen, some of the higher peaks are still covered with snow in May, :) and apparently its summer time here. :D

I am here for work basically and so far it's been quite ok. The team I am working with is good and they are really sweet and helpful. I am put up with a colleague but I would probably move into my own studio apartment by August. One of the things that I find really unique about this place is the weather. Some of the days it gets really hot even to the point of sweating it out - like 30C and some days it gets cold with the maximum being just about 15C. :) The people are friendly and they smile at you even though you are a complete stranger to them. Like just today, I was waiting at this bus stop and there was a really cute guy sitting next to me and he started a conversation - asking me my name, where I was from, what do I do and likes. He was really cute and had blue eyes, and a whole lot of piercings. One of the piercings was on his lower lip. Ouch, that must have hurt, I thought to myself when I saw it. But he was really sweet, I even suspected he could be gay coz he appreciated my eyes. :P

Anyway, somebody I know in the US had told me about this classified ad portal called 'Craiglist'. I honestly do want to have friends here out of my work place coz it gets a tad boring to hang out with your colleagues all the while especially when they are married or straight and all they can talk about is either baseball, basketball or women. :P I seriously do want to have a set of gay friends here whom I could hang out with, go out to dinner with, go out shopping, or maybe head out to the nearest gay bar and dance the night away. And it seems to me that I have found some really great people.

I put an ad in Craiglist asking for purely platonic friends and got three responses so far. One of them was an Indian - Tamil guy to be precise called Arun. He is a really sweet guy and although he is married, he is still very much into the gay scene. I met him last weekend and he told me a lot about the gay scene in Denver - like the bars, the clubs, the bathhouses and the likes. He told me pretty interesting anecdotes about his 4 years in Denver.

The second guy's name is Greg. He is a nice guy too, probably in his mid thirties. Likes to talk a lot. I met him yesterday and we drove to a gay bar called JR. It's a cute little place near Downtown and it's a very comfortable environment. We spent roughly two hours there and he was telling me about his life, his family, his work and everything in between. We had a good time together and he was sweet enough to drop me home as well.

The third guy's name is Nathan, though he likes to be called Nate. I met him at a mall today evening. He is a really amazing guy and I had a great time with him. We went to a coffee shop at first and then drove around for some time before coming to JR. He introduced me to his good friend Steve. We talked a lot about his life, my life, about India, about food, about dance, about pets, about his relationship, about my crushes. It felt really nice to be with him and every now and then he would ask me if I was comfortable. I think that was really sweet of him. We decided to meet up again soon midweek probably for dinner and then over the coming weekend when his sister would join us too for something fun - maybe hitting one of the dance bars. :)

So, it's been good so far and I really hope that they find me worth their friendship coz I really need them to be around. I am looking forward to hanging out with these guys more and more so that I get to know them better and eventually be great friends with them.

I also decided to explore the city on my own. So, I also took my first suburban train from Downtown to Lincoln and back where I live. It was a fabulous experience. Its really amazing how well connected the different parts of the city are and you can practically reach anywhere without any hassle. As you begin to leave the main town for the suburbs the scenery changes and its all mountains and green meadows all around. It looks awesome. :)

Tomorrow, I am going out with colleagues to the nearby mountains. There are two places that we are going to - Caves of the Winds and Garden of the Gods. I am really excited about that, can't wait to take some fab photos and post them online. This will be my first trip in the US. :)

When I was taking the flight to US from India, I was kinda sad coz I was leaving all my friends and family back there. But now, I think it'll be a good experience for me and it'll help me in my growth as a person. After all, life is all about learning new things and making new friends.

I wanna do him!

I have a bad habit! :-) Whenever I see a cute guy, say while walking on the street or even in my office for that matter, I immediately try to mentally strip him down and have my way with him. I wish, if only I could make out with at least 99% of them! Wow, just imagine that hottie I see everyday, in his bikini brief, staring at me with his piercing eyes, almost waiting to pounce on me....I'm not even gonna finish that sentence! I'm just gonna have a happy party in my head.

I was talking to this guy the other who is working in the same firm as I am. Presently he is posted in the US. He told me the only reason that he hasn't contemplated leaving the company for greener pastures is because, our company supposedly has the best eye candy! Now, that's a unique reason, ain't it? So, you see, I have every reason to believe that I am i good company!

There are actually about half a dozen guys (some in my office and some chat friends) who are on my to-do list. I don't really know them personally or havn't met them. Yet, when I bump into them at office, sly glances are exchanged and sometimes smiles too. While chatting online with the rest, I just imagine myself to be with them and have a happy party in my head!

So, here's my to-do list for you all. :-)

1. There is this really good looking guy in my office who is a stunner in all respects. Tall, well shaped, impeccably well dressed and a killer smile. Every time I see him, I go weak in my knees. I would love to be in his arms. Sometimes I wish, if only I could just fake a fall from the stairs when he would be around and he would rush to hold me in his arms! Wow, wouldn't that just be awesome?

2. There is another one in my office, who has droopy eyes and a lean frame, almost seems that he is hungry to make love - that one is the second in my to-do list. He seems to be a little hairy but seems really well endowed! I caught a glimpse of his thing in the rest room once. LOL.

3. The third one is also from my work place. He is cute-as-hell, with long eyelashes, a dazzling smile and an utterly delicious behind! There have been so many instances where he has caught me staring at him and I have turned crimson red!

4. The fourth one is a guy from Goregaon. He has been away from Mumbai for some time now because of an assignment in Bangalore. He is hot as hell and apart from that he is a gem of a person too!

5. The fifth one is a Punjabi guy from Chembur. I came across him just a few days ago accidentally and we have had quite a few chat sessions ever since. He is totally my kinda guy. Good looking, adventurous, level headed, smooth talker and is passionate about sex. :-) Hope to meet him soon.

6. The sixth one is a guy from Mahim. He has a killer body. I would so like to melt away in his arms even if it just for once.

There are a few more but I think they have become rather insignificant with time. I so wish that my to-do list translates into some real action soon! The guys from office, well, could be beyond my reach but I surely want to make it really special for the other three.Let me keep my fingers crossed! :-)

I wish to be reborn...

I wish to be reborn...

As a 'normal' guy,

Perhaps, life would be a lot easier.

And not so dry.

They say I'm abnormal.

I wonder, am I?

Why does it matter to me?

Why does it make me cry?

Why do I care so much...

About what the world says?

Why is it so hard to find...

The nights of my endless days?

Why am I born this way?

Is it a curse that haunts me?

Is it a bane of a misdeed?

Or a way in which life taunts me?

I've heard love exists everywhere.

Then, why is it hard to find?

Is it because I am not worth it,

Or because I am simply blind?

They say 'our' life is unnatural,

It would lead us nowhere.

It's a story of looks and lust,

Of loneliness and despair.

I've still not found love,

Not found the ONE.

Yet, I've not given up,

My work's still not done.

They tell me to get married,

To some hapless poor girl.

Why, on earth should I do that,

And let myself ruin her world?

Yet, I don't have the courage

To live lonely till I die,

Perhaps, I have to become a ruthless man

And cover up the truth with a lie.

I pray to God to show me the way,

So that I don't hurt anyone.

But more so, I pray for myself,

So that I can find that someone.

I don't have much time in hand,

To decide what's good for me.

A lie, a compromise, a dual life?

Or a life of love forever to be?

Even if I find love,

How do I know it'll stay forever?

Maybe it'll wither away too

Just like a bunch of roses together.

Oh lord, make me find my love

And make it last till I die,

Give me the wisdom and the courage

To make it worth the try.

I give myself this chance,

To try and find a reason to live,

Before I resign to destiny,

Let me spend as much love as I can give.

Slumdog - My Review...

This weekend, I saw the much-hyped and much acclaimed Slumdog Millionaire in one of the multiplexes in Bandra. I have never been a fan of India-centric Hollywood movies because most of them tend to portray India as a country of filth, poverty, religious hatred; not to mention the snake charmers and the half-naked fakirs. It seems to me that audiences abroad dig to see these things about India. And maybe that’s why such movies do so well abroad, bagging awards and accolades everywhere.

Anyway, Slumdog Millionaire is a story about the triumph of hope, about how a slum boy manages to win 20 million rupees in “Who wants to be a millionaire?”; how he knows the answers to the questions asked in the show through his life experiences and not necessarily bookish knowledge. The movie tracks the quest of survival of the young protagonist through his childhood, teenage and adolescence, about how he manages to grow in life despite every adversity and how he transforms every challenging situation into an opportunity for progress and development. Sounds rosy, huh? Well, it certainly is. The movie is doing so well abroad, perhaps because it spreads the message of hope in these trying times – when an ever grim economic slowdown is gripping the world in its tentacles.

So far, so good. As far as the message is concerned, the movie is quite likeable. The only things that bothered me about the movie are that it was overtly graphic and gross in parts. For example, it shows the young Jamal jumping into a pool of human excreta and then running out of it to get an autograph of a superstar. Or, a scene in which a young boy is deliberately blinded so that he can beg for alms. I feel that the movie could have been as moving as it is now without these bits or maybe these parts could have been handled more subtly. My views totally.

However, I must say that the acting of the child artistes is worth remembering. Their acting seems totally natural. The movie is worth a dekko for them if not anything else. The other actors have also shown a lot of promise. Mahesh Manjrekar, Irfaan Khan, Anil Kapoor have been flawless. The music and the only song of the movie ‘Jai Ho’ deserve credit. Go and catch the movie. Who knows, maybe you will like the movie in its totality, unlike me! J

My name is Sluttina!

Everytime I look into the mirror, I see someone staring back at me. That someone looks exactly like me, dresses exactly like me; yet I don't like him. Often, he asks me questions - questions to which I have no answers. He mocks me looking straight into my eyes and laughs. His laughter often moves me to tears! It makes me evaluate my life and often I find that I am staring into emptiness.

When I watched Queer As Folk for the first time, I was awed by Brian played by Gale Harold. He is an alter ego for every gay man. He is ruthless, stoic and does not shy from calling a spade a spade. His life is an open book. He is an unapologetically promiscuous - sleeping with countless nameless faceless guys he picks up randomly from Babylon - the gay discotheque. Guys, whose names he can't even remember the next morning. He is totally against relationships, he does not believe there could be love between two guys. According to him, "I don't believe in love, I believe in fucking. It's honest... it's efficient. You get in and out with a maximum of pleasure and a minimum of bullshit. " I absolutely hated Brian coz here was a guy who was totally opposite of what I wanted my partner / lover to be. But slowly as the episodes played along, I began to love his character. I secretly wished to be like him more and more. But sad thing is that I can't be like him. I am more of a combination of Michael - Ted - Emmett. Sensitive and love crazy like Michael, Insecure like Ted, unapologetically gay and a drama queen like Emmett. Yet, I want to be like Brian. If not Brian, I wish there was a magical spell that could at least turn me into a bisexual. LOL. Maybe that way, I could have married a girl and lived happily ever after. But alas, that's not happening either. Maybe, marriage is the only way out of this mess. So many gay men get married and try to lead 'normal' lives but sadly, I cannot imagine joining them. 

I am saying this because every time I find myself staring into the emptiness, I start to feel that life would have certainly been much better off if I could think like Brian and act like him. My life has been predominantly empty. Friends have filled up the void to some extent but still there's a bigger void that keeps getting bigger and bigger with each passing day. I think my biggest drawback is that I try to be too friendly to people. I open up my life when most others try to keep their cards close to their chest. I tell them everything about me, every event that has shaped me as the person that I am today. I feel that I do give vibes to people that I am a slut. Well, honestly, I may or may not be (depending on what you think constitutes sluttish behavior) but I know that this certainly makes them tick me off from their list of prospective dates / lovers. I am so used to being ticked off, that nowadays although it feels bad, I get over it quite easily. Everytime I find someone interesting enough to pursue, I find that my feelings are not reciprocated. They consider me as a friend, but not more. :-) Well, that's how life is, for me!

I don't know when and how I will find love. Maybe I am emotionally too immature to find it ever. I also don't know how will I answer my reflection in the mirror when it asks me - "How are you going to live your life?" I will wait for the day when I will finally muster the courage and confidence to stare at my reflection straight in his eyes and tell him - "Every year I always wish for the same thing - a boyfriend. Someone to love who'll love me. This year I think I'm gonna wish for something else. The wisdom and maturity to realize that I won't find what I want by looking for it. Not expect someone else to give me what I never gave myself. That I'm not a half waiting to be made a whole. And even if that special person never comes along... I'll be just fine."

Amen! God bless me! :-)