The Great Indian 'Dysfuntional' family...

I have been staying away from my family for the last eight years now. I was brought up in Kolkata and completed my 12th from there. After that, I left them to pursue my graduation elsewhere. During graduation too, I hardly spent much time with them except on holidays. After graduation was over, I had hardly spent a month with them when again I had to pack my bags and join the company in which I am working currently.

I have been through a great deal over the last eight years. The past eight years have enriched my life in more ways than one. They have taught me to take care of myself. They have taught me to take care of my finances, to be able to choose between the right and wrong without any parental guidance, to be able to differentiate good people from the not so good without being told. It's been a learning experience all through. First in the college hostel - getting to interact with people from different regions / backgrounds having a varied range of tastes and likings. Later after my graduation was over, I have loved to stay on my own. I have begun to like the independence that I have been getting over these years.

It would not be an exaggeration to say that if now, I am expected to stay with my parents, I would be thinking twice before deciding to do that. You may be thinking that I am a moron. After all parents are the people who brought us up, who toiled hard to give us everything we wanted. They are the people who continue to shower unconditional love upon us to this day. They are our best friends. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

I agree. Nothing could be truer than this. But then in the Indian context, an Indian family not only consists of the parents and the kids but also the chacha, chachi, taau, taai, mama, mami, nana, nani, dada, daadi, bua and dozens of cousins. I experienced good as well as bad times growing up with the latter predominating most of the times...

But then, something changed somewhere. By the time I was 13, I started feeling distinctly different from the rest of my cousins / school mates. That was the 'awakening'. I had no idea what was happening to me. I was scared, I was confused but at the same time really excited about the possibility of exploring new unknown things on my own.

Fourteen years have passed and now I can say that I am happy with the way I have grown. I may not have had the best of fortune but I try not to regret anything that I have experienced over the years.

Most of us are quite happy with what life offers us, but suddenly one day, we hear that our parents are looking for some poor girl for us. Eww!!! This is where it starts to get on my nerves. Yet again! They fail to realize that it's our lives that they are talking about and we should be the ones to decide how we choose to live.

There's the father who thinks that his son is good for nothing and that he is always correct about every goddamn thing in the world. Well, honey, not this one! You say that you can tell a person by just looking at him/her. How come you have not noticed that your own son is "big flaming, feather-wearing, man-kissing, disco-dancing, Vermont-living, Christina Aguilera-loving, Mikanos going 'MO'?"

There's the mother who loves his son dearly but she is a tad confused about what she wants for him. She is torn between the son on the one hand and the husband on the other. If she tries to support her husband, the son walks out on her and vice versa. She is always in a soup. They may not see eye to eye on many things but join the chorus in unison when it comes to deciding their child's future. How unbearably pathetic!!! What they fail to realize that some poor girl's life could be ruined in the process.

And then, there's the extended family - the farty uncles, the bitchy aunts, the old hapless grand parents, the nosy cousins. They just need something to gossip about and they couldn't care less if things don't work out in the marriage that they are so excited about. They will come up with news of some NRI guy who came down, tied the knot and flew back with wifey the very next day. They will talk about some 'convent educated' working girl who is apparently very pretty!!! They will give you tips about how to impress girls. The cousins would pester you with questions like - "Do you have a girl friend? BLAH BLAH BLAH"

You can probably now understand why I don't consider it 'safe' to go back and stay with my parents. I don't want to end up getting married to a girl. I do want to get 'married' nevertheless, but to a guy who would love me and whom I would love! I really don't know what is in store for me. One of my younger cousins is getting married this year and I know for sure that after that I am gonna be pestered by my parents to start seeing girls. My God! Even the thought of it gives me goose pimples. Anyways, I just somehow wish that I am able to convince all of them that I am happy being single. And I just pray that somebody makes a pill that I can give to them so that they just forget about getting me married. Amen!

Unforgettable...

Unforgettable, thats what you are

Unforgettable though near or far

Like a song of love that clings to me

How the thought of you does things to me

Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable in every way

And forever more, thats how youll stay

Thats why, darling, its incredible

That someone so unforgettable

Thinks that I am unforgettable too...

Pujo in Kolkata

The Train...

This is one of my most favorite scenes of Satyajit Ray's many films. The film is the first part of a trilogy famous as the "Apu Trilogy".

This scene captures the inquisitiveness of two children about a train that crosses the fields. It is one of the most enchanting scenes ever filmed in Indian cinema.

...sealed with a kiss...

I woke up to the chirping of sparrows on the Deodar tree just outside his window. When I crawled out of the bed, he was still semi-asleep. I picked up my clothes and went to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror. I could see at least a dozen hickeys all over the upper half of my body. My head was feeling light but it was a great feeling. I brushed my teeth and then quickly answered nature's call. I took a shower and when I came out, I found him sitting awake on the bed.

He smiled at me and said "So, sweetheart, how was the night?" I replied..."I never wanted it to end..." He said "It'll never."

We met his mum at the breakfast table after he took a shower. I became very conscious of her presence and was trying my best to hide the obvious signs of our passionate love making. But as they say, God made women cleverer than men! She obviously saw the signs, laughed and said..."Jeet, you don't have to hide anything. I am happy that you have brought laughter back into my son's life after ages." I looked up at her, smiled and said..."Your son has made me the happiest too!"

The next one month went by in a jiffy. We used to meet every single day. We used to go off to nearby places on the weekends. We took a weekend getaway to Goa and made love on a moonlit night on the beach. We attended parties together and clearly everyone noticed us together. People used to hit on him all the time but he'd just say "I am already taken."

Things were going on as a perfect dream. I couldn't be any happier. I had finally found a reason to live, not to just exist.

May 12, 2006. He called me early in the morning and asked me about my plans for the evening. When I told him that I didn't have any plans, he promptly asked me for dinner. I agreed. We met at the same restaurant where we had met for the first time. Over dinner, I noticed that he was not speaking much. I asked him "What's the matter? Is anything wrong?". He smiled and said "Nothings wrong. But I have to tell you something." I asked him "What?" He was looking rather perturbed as he said "Remember, I had told you when we met, that I had applied to the University of Ohio while I was still in London." I said, "Oh, yes, I remember that, what about it?" He smiled and said "Well, they have wrote back to me and have offered me a full scholarship." I said "Wow, that's great! So, what are you planning to do? Are you going to take it?" He said "Well, I am really confused. I don't really know what to do. I can't leave you and go to America." I said "Come on, it's not that you'll be gone for a lifetime. Sooner than later, you're gonna be back, right?" He said "I don't know Jeet. What if I don't get to come back? Ever since Mom has heard about it, she told me that she would want to come along with me too. She wants to stay with my aunt who stays in Glens ville, FL."

Then it hit me. This guy could be gone in weeks. What am I going to do when he's gone? How am I going to live without seeing him everyday? How? Why did God give it to me and just take it away like that? Why? Why? Why?

A surge of emotions overwhelmed me. But, then I thought why should I stop him from pursuing his dreams? Why should I stop him from getting whatever he wants out of his life? So, I said "Hey, come on! I think that's a great idea. You should take aunt with you. She would be so lonely without you here anyway. Come on, cheer up! You must take this offer. This could be once in a lifetime opportunity. You could really reach for the stars. And if you think that I am going to disappear, that ain't happening mister!" I smiled "I am gonna be here waiting for you to come back. Who knows maybe in a year's time, I could end up being there too! So, hey, you're gonna reply back to them and tell them that you're gratefully accepting their scholarship."

The dinner ended but I could feel that he was restless. I tried to calm him. But it was becoming increasingly difficult for me too to stay calm. I was just not prepared for such a turn of events. It was not that we had broken off but the pangs of impending separation was too much to bear. It was late at night, when we started walking hand in hand on the Bandstand. We walked and walked without speaking a word. We sat on one of the benches there and soon both of us were crying. We were in each other's arms as tears trickled down our faces. We tried to console each other but the emotions were too much too control. The night ended thus...

June 2, 2006, Mumbai International Airport. We reached the airport well before time. Aunty was consoling me all the way telling me that she would make sure that he doesn't forget me. He was looking pale and sad. I was sad too that they were leaving. Leaving behind memories that would always remain with me. We whiled away some time in the lounge. Finally around 11 PM, the check in started. We hugged each other one final time. We both had tears in our eyes. He just wouldn't let me go. I finally had to push him off me and say "Go!" Aunty hugged me. She had tears in her eyes too. She blessed me and said..."Son, you'll always be happy."

As they walked down the airport lounge towards the check in counter, the airport music system began to play the old number...

Though, we gotta say goodbye for the summer...
Darlin' I promise you this...
I'll send you all my love, everyday in a letter...
Sealed with a kiss...

It's gonna be a cold lonely summer...
But I'll fill the emptiness...
I'll send you all my love, everyday in a letter...
Sealed with a kiss...

~CONCLUDED~