Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Honey, let's get married...

Recently I have started picking up Mid Day (the tabloid published from Mumbai) on my way to work. It's a really good newspaper with loads of information, news, tips etc.

There's a particular section in it called "Dear Diana" which is basically an 'agony aunt' column though I have my doubts if we can call 'Diana' an aunt. She seems quite a young person.

Anyways, many people write to her with all kinds of problems - marital, love, sex, relationships etc etc etc. I happen to read the column everyday and I must admit that like most other 'normal' human beings, I do enjoy reading about other people's problems and even smiling at times. Some of the letters that are published are outright hilarious, some seem to be cock and bull stories, some make you think about the sorry state of the lives of the people who wrote them, some make you cringe when you try to imagine yourself in that person's shoes. Some people write about all kinds of ultra stupid stuff.

For example, a few days back I read a letter sent by some girl called 'M' from Mumbai. Here's the extract from her letter.

Dear Diana,

I am a 28 year old girl who is being compelled to get married but I have no choice. I am very scared of sex because I've heard that it's very painful. Is the pain bearable? Can we both live together without sex? I don't know what to do.

With due respect to the lady in question, I would tell her, honey, you are God's gift to gay guys like us. Please find more girls like you who are 'scared' of sex and want to get into a marriage but stay away from sex. Believe me dahling, you'll be regarded highly by us. Most gay guys are tormented by their families for getting married. If we can find a girl like you, it'll be great. I am not being insensitive here. You will be our greatest friend, our most favorite house'hag'. We can give you tips on make up, fashion. We won't criticize you for nothing, we wouldn't be cynical like the straight men. So please, ladies, please help us. You'll love us as your husbands.

Isn't this just wonderful, guys? Just think about the life where you can get married to a girl but don't have to have sex with her, mostly because she doesn't want it at all. :-) Wouldn't it be great to settle down finally like the so called 'normal' guys? If you're pestered to beget a child, no worries. Nowadays there are 101 options to get a child without ever having sex with your conjugal partner. Let's all pray that we find one such girl. :-)