Monday, May 28, 2007

I don't have anything to wear! :-)

When was the last time you stood in front of your cupboard and discovered to your utter horror that you've nothing nice or suitable to wear for the evening. I guess this is perhaps the single most common horrifying incident that presents itself to us after a zit decides to magically appear on your 'glowing' face on the day you are supposed to go out on that long awaited date or an absolutely delicious cyber mate turns out to be an over 40 something balding moustached uncle dying to get into your sack!

You may have an absolutely gorgeous ensemble of top of the line shirts, tees, trousers, cargoes and jeans but then it's just never enough for that date in which you decide to tell him about your love for him. You start off by trying out one tee after another, something in sky blue or baby pink thinking to yourself that blue would make you look cool and pink would make you look cute! And then to your disbelief you discover that there's a bright red tee staring at you from the shelf which has HOT written all over it! You're left utterly confused.

Suddenly by divine intervention, it dawns upon you that sporting a casual look would probably send signals to your date that you're casual (read careless) about everything. So, you start finding the perfect formal shirt that would go with the evening. White is always in and so is black but unfortunately, you wore them before in your first two meetings and you don't want to seem repetitive with clothes. You skim through your cupboard with a frantic pace and then you suddenly realize that you're running late already!

And then you see yourself in the mirror. Oh my god! I haven't shaved. I haven't had my bath yet. Where's the CK that I bought? Where's is the goddamned sexy Jockey that he likes? Where are my lenses? Where in the world is my deo? So without wasting a single moment you decide to rush into the shower. After a hurried shave and shower, you come out and spray copious amounts of deo on your body. You then stand in front of the mirror in probably a towel (sometimes nothing) and begin to think, oh fuck, age is showing on my love handles, and if by any chance you spot a gray hair, you're finished! But then you think, I can always have those annoying gray hairs colored. Oh why didn't I get them colored. Damnit! Since you are still undecided about what to wear you do a 'Eeny Meeny Miney Moe' and pick up a shirt from the cupboard, wear it and then decide 'Nah! this one is not good enough'. You fling it on the bed which already has a mountain of clothes piled up on it. Then you pick another one and then another before settling for a final one which is a wrinkle free light blue shirt with faint dark blue stripes and think to yourself, Yeah, this one looks good! I hope he likes it as well. And then wryly smile, the clothes are anyways not going to stay on long enough! ;-)

You take the tube of gel and apply it on your wet hair for that wet look. You wash your lenses and then inevitably drop them. You desperately search for them and find them in one unreachable corner of the loo. You wash them again and by the time you finish wearing them your cell phone starts howling! Uff! Who in the world is it? You rush out and see that it's your date calling.

Your date: "Where are you? I am on my way."
You (trying to cover up the delay): "Oh, I am on my way too. Will be there on time."
Your date: "Ok, see ya there."

As you finish, you realize that there's no way that you can reach on time unless they invent time travel. So you decide - Ok, let's move it before it's too late. You take the car keys, lock the door and rush downstairs in the lift. Rush to the car, start it and navigate your way through one smalls lane after another to avoid traffic snarls and then finally you reach the plush restaurant. As you park your car off the kerb, you seen your date standing there looking as gorgeous as ever and smiling at you. You kill the engine and get out of the car and walk towards him. You suddenly see his face turning crimson and as you go nearer to him, you feel that he is certainly uncomfortable with something in you. You start thinking - Hmmm....everything seems Ok to me! Why is he staring at me like that?

You finally reach him and are about to give him a hug when he pushes you away and says - "Where are your pants?" :-)

Friday, May 18, 2007

Hindi movies and homosexuality

I have always been a tad disappointed with the way in which homosexuals are portrayed in our films. Even though the modelling and the film industry apparently abounds with gays, the way gays are shown on celluloid leaves much to be desired. Even openly known gay film directors like Karan Johar or Onir shy from showing love between two men as it could be!

One of the earliest scenes that I remember which has a gay undertone is from the film Silsila. This is a scene in which Shashi Kapoor and Amitabh Bachchan are taking a shower together (apparently nude) and Shashi Kapoor deliberately drops the soap and asks AB to bend over and pick it up! AB being clever laughs and refuses to do so. They both remember their childhood 'mischiefs' and break into peels of laughter.

Later, I have seen in a number of films in which they mock the gay people quite shamelessly. Gay people are always shown to be effeminate (in other words drag queens). I remember quite a few films which have mocked the gay way of life in the most humiliating manner. In fact gay characters in films have always provided comic relief to a dead pan script. I find it especially painful when I see 'sensible' and 'saleable' film directors like KJ not doing enough to spread the message that homosexuals are no different from straight people and they too can have loving relationships. Instead, he chooses to show SRK and Saif Khan in certain tasteless comedy scenes in KHNH. What a sheer waste!!!

And then there are other directors like Onir who send out a very wrong message to the public at large with films like My Brother Nikhil. I appreciate the story of the film but Sanjay Suri's homosexual relationship with Purab Kohli is not treated well. I feel that 99% of the junta here in India is blissfully unaware of the gay way of life and thinks that gays exist only to fuck everything that moves!!! To add to this situation, when you associate HIV even remotely with a guy who has a gay relationship (even though the HIV may not be as a result of the relationship), then the effects can be catastrophic. People tend to believe that all gay men are HIV+ve and that in no way reflects the reality.

Recently, there have been films like Page 3 or Metro which portray gays to be utterly manipulative. This again sends wrong signals to the 'aam' junta! They start to believe that gays are indeed bad people who don't really care about anyone else's feelings! But that's hardly the truth. I found the film 'Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd' to be quite interesting! At least they tried to address the problem of a gay getting married in a mature and sensible manner. They also tried to touch upon the bisexual guys who also form a part of our society!

I have seen English movies with gay themes like 'Touch of Pink', 'TransAmerica'. 'Chicken Tikka Masala' and they have been much better both in terms of content and the message they tried to spread.

I certainly hope that with time more saleable directors and actors would not hesitate to portray homosexuals maturely, not as HIV infected or sex hungry maniacs or manipulative bitches but as individuals who just choose to love a person of their own gender and have a right to live a life with dignity and as happily as everyone else while contributing in their own way to the society.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Underwear ads!

I am appalled and amused by certain ads that are shown on television. The worst and sometimes even the most alluring are the male undergarment ads. Some of them are not only distasteful and obscene but also raise questions about the efficiency of the censor board which 'pass'es such atrocious ads to be telecast on prime time television! Others are a treat to watch!

One particularly 'disgusting' ad is the one in which a female is washing a male undergarment on the bank of a pond or whatever and other females are staring at her! Her face exudes orgasmic bliss while she rubs the underwear with her hands and then beats the shit out of it! She stretches its elastic possibly showing the other females that it can accomodate huge sizes inside! And then to top it all, a sleazy female voice declares - "Amul 'whatever' - Crafted for fantasies"!!!

Total crap!

There's another ad, but I guess that's still a tad better than the one mentioned above! Possibly because the ad has a hunk in it!! ;-) This ad would possibly appeal to females as well as males (including gays) alike! In this one, this cute semi nude hunk wrapped in just a towel opens the door expecting the dhobi, only to be shocked when he finds this rather voluptous female in skimpy clothes standing outside! Out of nervousness, he drops the towel and there he is wearing the brand of underwear. He frantically asks the female "Dhobi, kahaan hai?" (Where is the washer man?) to which she replies in a slutty voice "Aajse main hi kapde lene aaoongi, Nikaliye naa...kapde" (From today onwards, I will come to take clothes! Give me your clothes, please!!) The hunk smiles and then they show their clothes strewn all over the place! A guy's voice is heard - "Blah blah blah brand - Seriously X-rated"!

This is undoubtedly one of the raunchiest ads on Television these days! I am sure the ad-makers as well as the models do realize that such ads are not only intended for the straight male population but the gay junta as well! And probably that's why the male models in these ads are any gay's fantasy come true! ;-)

But whatever! Sex sells! And that's a known fact! So, we can just wait and expect to see more such ads on the tube in the future!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Quotable quotes from Page 3

When it comes to exploring the sea of love, I prefer buoys.
Andrew G. Dehel

There's this illusion that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be loved.
Boy George

No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love. The only queer people are those who don't love anybody.
Rita Mae Brown

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?
Ernest Gaines

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex, they should draw the line at goats.
Elton John

Why can't they have gay people in the army? Personally, I think they are just afraid of a thousand guys with M16s going, "Who'd you call a faggot?"
John Stewart

If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic."
Shelly Roberts

When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.
Epitaph of Leonard P.

It always seemed to me a bit pointless to disapprove of homosexuality. It's like disapproving of rain.
Francis Maude

Let my lusts be my ruin, then, since all else is a fake and a mockery.
Hart Crane

In itself, homosexuality is as limiting as heterosexuality: the ideal should be to be capable of loving a woman or a man; either, a human being, without feeling fear, restraint, or obligation.
Simone de Beauvoir

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
Woody Allen

People sometimes think I'm gay because I once played a gay in a movie. It's funny. Audiences don't think you're a murderer if you play a murderer, but they do think you're gay if you play a gay.
Perry King

Labels are for filing. Labels are for clothing. Labels are not for people.
Martina Navratilova

My mom blames California for me being a lesbian. "Everything was fine until you moved out there." "That's right, Mom, we have mandatory lesbianism in West Hollywood. The Gay Patrol busted me, and I was given seven business days to add a significant amount of flannel to my wardrobe.
Coley Sohn

The next time someone asks you, "Hey, howdja get to be a homosexual anyway?" tell them, "Homosexuals are chosen first on talent, then interview... then the swimsuit and evening gown competition pretty much gets rid of the rest of them."
Karen Williams

If Michelangelo had been straight, the Sistine Chapel would have been wallpapered.
Robin Tyler

The Lord is my Shepherd and he knows I'm gay.
Rev. Troy Perry

If adjustment is necessary, it should be made primarily with regard to the position the homosexual occupies in present-day society, and society should more often be treated than the homosexual.
Dr. Harry Benjamin

If horse racing is the sport of kings, then drag racing must be the sport of queens.
Bert R. Sugar

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavner

My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I'm giving them my share.
Rita Mae Brown

Homosexuality is god's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children.
Sam Austin

I'd rather be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother.
Charles Pierce

That word "lesbian" sounds like a disease. And straight men know because they're sure that they're the cure.
Denise McCanles

Did you hear about the Scottish drag queen? He wore pants.
Lynn Lavner

My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. There was nothing latent about it.
Amanda Bearse

Some women can't say the word lesbian... even when their mouth is full of one.
Kate Clinton

The world is not divided into sheeps and goats. Not all things are black nor all things white. It is a fundamental of taxonomy that nature rarely deals with discrete categories. Only the human mind invents categories and tries to force facts into separated pigeon-holes. The living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. The sooner we learn this concerning sexual behaviour the sooner we shall reach a sound understanding of the realities of sex.
Alfred Kinsey

As long as society is anti-gay, then it will seem like being gay is anti-social.
Joseph Francis

Laugh your lungs out from W&G!

Jack: So, I've decided to take my career in a whole new direction.
Will: Forward?

Will: So now you're skipping work all together?!
Grace: No, I called in sick.
Will: Called who? You're the boss.
Grace: I know it was a strange conversation. If I do it again, I'm going to fire me.

Grace: Just FYI - The first 3 letters in assistant spell ass, so please, get off yours.

Karen: You know CPR?
Jack: Oh, yeah. I had to do it on my father when I told him I was gay... Only I think it just confused him even more.

Will: In this house, a queen beats a straight every time.

Jack: I'd like to sing a duet, with a man who's been such a huge inspiration to me... (picture of himself appears)

Jack: There are no straight men, only men who haven't met Jack.

Jack (after seeing Karen's closet): Oh, my God. If my closet were like this, I never would have come out of it!

Jack: It's time to put the sex back in homosexual.

Grace: Oh, how can I explain this? Guilt is an emotion...Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself...An emotion is...
Karen: Honey I know what guilt is! It's one of those touchy-feely words that doesn't really mean anything, like "maternal".... or "addiction".

Karen: I have a right mind to throw this drink in your face! (then proceeds to finish the drink)

Jack: Do you remember the name of my ex-boyfriend? You know, the blond one with the tattoos?
Karen: Oh, come on, honey, that's like trying to find a needle in a gaystack.

Karen: They're trying to make gay people straight? Good lord, don't they know what that'll do to the fall line?

Karen: You're comin' in loud and queer!

Grace: Jack, inviting three hot guys over to your apartment for a "fourgy" does not qualify as group therapy.

Grace: Jack, inviting three hot guys over to your apartment for a "fourgy" does not qualify as group therapy.

Jack: Sex is a drug. I should know; I'm a licensed dealer.

Karen: Oh, honey, everything I say about you behind your back is true.

(about Karen's driver)
Grace: Fire him.
Karen: He is old and sweet and helpless. I can't just fire him because he's a raging incompetent. I mean, maybe you could, but not me.
Grace: Karen, if that were true, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Jack: (to Will) You know, anger doesn't really go with what you're wearing. But then again, not much does.

Jack: Will, have you totally forgotten how to speak our language? "Running late" is gay for "I'm blowing you off".
Will: Really? What's gay for "Get out"?
Jack: That would be "Good morning".
Will & Jack : Good morning Jack.

Mom: What if they want to come back for a little touchie-nookie-nicky?
Grace: Mom, can I take you to my therapist? Because he thinks I'm making you up.

Rosario: Lady, I used to teach children in my country.
Karen: Well, in this country, you wash my bra!

Grace to Karen (about the Hydra bra): Karen, I just want you to know that I really loved it that you stood besides me and showed me the way!
Karen (raising a toast): Darlin' welcome to my world!

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

The next cubicle...and the work place...

Me and one of my mates at work seem to have quite a similar taste in men! Our types! Tall, brutish, with a V-body, with a rugged I-will-show-you-heaven look; some with cute faces and cuter asses, some straight out of Danielle Steel's novels...yes they all are our types! We are continuously rating people who cross our paths with words like 'Good', 'Delicious', 'Doable' or well whatever! He is smitten with a PYT in one of his neighboring cubicles and I kinda find two PYT's in my next cubicle exceedingly cute. So much so, that whenever I get an opportunity, I steal a glance at the two of them and wish silently if at least one of them were....

My friend's PYT probably has Greek blood in his veins, coz everytime we see him, we go weak in our knees! The other day we were just rambling back to our respective work stations from the food court and there he was, walking towards us! And we just gasped in delight in unison! I hope he noticed!

Sizes...Small, Medium and Large!

Ever since the Hutch ads have started coming on television, I can't help but smile with an impish grin every time I see 'em. Even though the ads are quite funny, I try to interpret or probably see them in a totally different context. :-)

So, here's my version of one such ad...though I don't know how Prahlad Kakkad will react to this one...

Scene: Gay bar with lots of gorgeous looking guys dancing, some disco number playing in the background.

Cut to a 18 y.o. cutie who is a first timer, looking quite nervous hoping that his virginity will be a thing of the past beyond tonight! So as he takes nervous glances at everyone around him and while everyone around feast their eyes on the newbie, he sees these three real hunks standing next to the bar with drinks in their hands looking at him. While they exchange glances with the newbie...

...cut to the crotches of these three hunks one by one! :-) And then the caption comes choose your size S-M-L! :-D

and then a sleazy male voice declares "To get the size sms SIZE to blah-blah-blah-blah!"

Too corny?? Or plain balderdash! I don't know but I am sure such ads are light years away! He he

Gay Wipro!

Today morning, while I was coming to work I crossed the Wipro campus and suddenly a thought struck my mind.

The Wipro logo (a rainbow colored sunflower) is undoubtedly the most gay friendly logo around. And then I pondered and found to my amazement that over the past two years in Pune, I have come across at least half a dozen individuals working in Wipro who are gay. Though I may not have met them personally but it seems to me that Wipro definitely enjoys the rank of the most-preferred work destination of many gays in this city!

So here's to Wipro! :-)