Much ado about nothing...

"SMS us on XXXX and tell us why you think the snake is after the little boy."

"SMS us on XXXX and tell us what you feel about the marriage of Abhishek and Aishwarya."

"Call us on 011-XXXXXXXX and tell us what you feel about the Bipasha - John split."

"Call us on 022-XXXXXXXX and tell us how should the government react to the Richard Gere and Shilpa Shetty kissing episode."

Many a times, I am bewildered by these kinds of announcements on the news channels, especially the Hindi news channels. Star News, Zee News, Aaj Tak, IBN 7, Janmat, India TV all these news channels deserve to be in the Guinness book for dishing out nonsense in the name of news. Every news is supposed to be 'exclusive' and every news is supposed to be 'sansanikhez' too. Crap! The most hilarious thing is that viewers actually call back and text their 'valuable' views and comments on all such ridiculous topics and questions.

Some news anchors are not only irritating but they also have the habit of repeating things over and over again until it almost sounds like they are memorizing something before an exam. There's this fella on Aaj Tak viz Deepak Chaurasia. He is like the self proclaimed messiah of the masses. He has taken the responsibility of bringing such 'sansanikhez' news items from nowhere to shock the masses. I feel like slapping that guy whenever I see him. I remember that just after the Abhi-Ash engagement was announced, this lunatic was hosting a special show on Aishwarya Rai's future. Javed Akhtar was called up and quite appropriately Mr. Akhtar was furious at the ludicrous nature of the question. He refused to comment and banged the phone down. On some other channels astrologers were called in to speculate and predict on their future married life. Why? All in the name of publicity? Why in heaven's name should we care? Why should we know about how or when Ms. Rai will quit films or will have babies?

And then there are these crime related programmes! 'Sansani', 'Crime Reporter' and the like. Their anchors are straight out of asylums. They have a typical style of presenting the programmes. They speak in a very weird way. "Chain se sona hai toh abb jaag jao". It's funny like hell. More often than being scared by the criminals they show on their shows, you are actually scared by the anchors themselves. I remember the ace comedian Raju Shrivastav mocking them in one of his shows. It was hilarious.

Anyway, the bottom line is that much of the news shown on television is like the Shakespearean classic "Much ado about nothing." They invent news to gain TRP's. They blow small incidents out of proportion like the incident about Richard Gere kissing Shilpa Shetty. All the channels continued to show the incident over and over again until it snowballed into a controversy. Then they started showing people (VHP, Bajrang Dal types) burning effigies of Richard Gere. And then when they realized that the situation had gone out of control, they showed Shilpa making a statement over the issue. Shilpa was visibly miffed by all the hullabaloo. She accused the media of blowing such trivial issues out or proportion. And I guess she was right.

Indian media needs to grow up. Enough of monkeying around in the name of freedom of expression. We don't need such atrocious news. Show us something good, something which is useful to the society, something that brings forth issues of geo-political importance. See BBC. See CNN. Closer home, see the English news channels like NDTV or CNN-IBN. These channels are much more mature in their content and their presentation. I hate to have to say it but I very genuinely feel that Hindi news channels are still in their infancy. They ought to grow up soon enough.

Trip to Kolkata!

Going back home always stirs up a million emotions within us, especially if home is hundreds of miles away. I left Kolkata way back in 2000 after spending a good 15 years in the City of Joy(?)! My schooling was completed there and thereafter we moved to the City of Dreamz - Mumbai. I was never too attached to Kolkata. The weather is horrible there, grimy and sweaty all the while and the peoples' tempers are always above permissible levels. The 15 years that I spent there was 90% misery and 10% fun mainly because of circumstances at home. Yet, strangely, despite the fact that the city has not offered too much to me except a nightmarish 15 years, I can't deny or run away from the fact that it is where I belong to - Kolkata is home!

Ever since I have moved out of Kolkata, I have tried to visit it at least once a year mostly during the festive season. This time around I decided to visit it in the summer mainly because my granny had not been keeping too well. Anyways, my granny's place is around 120 kms from Kolkata. It's a place called Medinipur. It can be called the twin city of Kharagpur (of IIT fame). It was gruelling hot there, so much so that I couldn't sleep altogether for 3 days. The days are unbearable. The evenings are a tad better but the continuous load shedding makes it worse. My granny was doing relatively better when I reached. However, she needs to be taken care of and the heat only makes her miserable. Anyways, I used to go out almost every evening with my cousin (who is around 14 y.o. and 6'1") to eat chaat and pani poories (Bengali ishtyle)!! I gorged like crazy! I also took my other two smaller cousins (3 and 1.5 yrs old) for ice cream, cakes etc. My aunts and uncles took me out for dinner to two newly opened restaurants in the town and to my surprise they are quite nice!

1. The Karnagahr Temple
2. Maa Mahamaya

I also went to Karnagahr, a 15th century temple around 20-25 kms from Medinipur dedicated to the Mother Goddess. There are three temples in the complex, a larger one dedicated to Lord Khageshwar (Shiva), the smaller one dedicated to Maa Mahamaya (the Mother Goddess). My aunts and my cousins accompanied me. I went to the temple a good 5-6 years later. The temple authorities have renovated the temple, gave it a fresh coat of plaster and paint. There is a Hanuman temple there. One of my uncles has had it constructed. Earlier the Hanuman shila was lying below a peepal tree. But now there stands a nice temple on the same spot. My uncle and aunt gave me a nice shirt and tee. :-)

I went to Kolkata on Wednesday afternoon. I had an interview scheduled with Wipro the same afternoon at around 3 PM but they cancelled at the last moment. Kolkata surprises me every time I visit it. Everytime I find something new about it. It's a kaleidoscope of colors of a variety of shades and hues. This time was no different. I put up at my uncle's place in Ballygunge. Most of Wednesday was spent at home catching up on sleep. On Thursday, I went out in the morning after breakfast. I visited my Buaji's place first. Spent almost an hour with them and then went shopping. And man! Did I shop or what? I shopped and shopped and shopped and when I stopped I found that my wallet was lighter by 7K. I bought tees, shorts, jeans, kurtas, H/S shirts and unmentionables as well :-)

I met a guy called Bobby in the evening. I knew him from a couple of months and it was nice to meet him finally. We went for a drive in his car and had some ice cream. He then dropped me home. Later in the evening, I went to meet an old school friend - Ronjon! We went to a local CCD and spent some time there. We had a Hilsa festival at home that night. The fish was delicious. Later that night, I chatted with an old acquaintance called Charles. I had met Charles two years ago on one of my trips to Kolkata. He is my friend's friend. Anyways, thankfully, he remembered me and so we decided to meet on Saturday afternoon.

On Friday morning, I again went back to my Buaji's place and got the keys of our flat. The flat has never been used and I wanted to go and visit it once to clean it up! I met this guy called Sarnab the same morning and the meeting left much to be desired. Anyway, my cousin, aunt and me went shopping for a laptop in the afternoon. We finally zeroed on a HP one. My cousin bought it. After that, we went shopping again. My aunt bought me a very nice block printed Kurta from a boutique called Kanishka. Thereafter, I rushed to Salt Lake to the City Centre mall. I went to City Centre for the first time and I was really pleased to see it. Nice crowd, nice shops and nice ambience. I met a college friend over there - Anirban. Spent around half an hour with him and came back home.

On Saturday morning, I went to our flat. It was very dirty nevertheless; has not been visited for more than a year. I cleaned up the place as much as I could. After that, I met Charles nearby. We spent a nice time together having lunch at a restaurant near Gariahat. After that I met Debjyoti, one of my friends in Kolkata. We spent around half and hour together while I shopped again for mishti and an umbrella. I returned home after that. My cousin, aunt and me again went out a little later for some more shopping this time for my cousin. He is a brilliant guy. He has just completed his M.Sc exams and is now going to National Brain Research Institute in Gurgaon for a summer project. Anyway, he had to buy some shirt pieces. So we went shopping for that. While we were shopping one of my other cousins called up. She wanted to meet me before I left. So we hurried back home. We picked her up on the way and reached home. My train was on 2215 at night from Howrah. I had my dinner around 8 PM and thereafter they all accompanied me to the station to see me off. :-)

As I said bye bye to them, I somehow felt a little sad; sad because I was leaving all the fun behind, all my folks behind. But when you come to think of it, it's probably because I visit Kolkata once a year that I like it so much and my folks also make my visits memorable. Had I been there for good then probably life would have made it very difficult for us to even meet up.

I am looking forward to visiting Kolkata once again this year, hopefully during the Pujas. Let's see what's in store in the future! :-)

I don't have anything to wear! :-)

When was the last time you stood in front of your cupboard and discovered to your utter horror that you've nothing nice or suitable to wear for the evening. I guess this is perhaps the single most common horrifying incident that presents itself to us after a zit decides to magically appear on your 'glowing' face on the day you are supposed to go out on that long awaited date or an absolutely delicious cyber mate turns out to be an over 40 something balding moustached uncle dying to get into your sack!

You may have an absolutely gorgeous ensemble of top of the line shirts, tees, trousers, cargoes and jeans but then it's just never enough for that date in which you decide to tell him about your love for him. You start off by trying out one tee after another, something in sky blue or baby pink thinking to yourself that blue would make you look cool and pink would make you look cute! And then to your disbelief you discover that there's a bright red tee staring at you from the shelf which has HOT written all over it! You're left utterly confused.

Suddenly by divine intervention, it dawns upon you that sporting a casual look would probably send signals to your date that you're casual (read careless) about everything. So, you start finding the perfect formal shirt that would go with the evening. White is always in and so is black but unfortunately, you wore them before in your first two meetings and you don't want to seem repetitive with clothes. You skim through your cupboard with a frantic pace and then you suddenly realize that you're running late already!

And then you see yourself in the mirror. Oh my god! I haven't shaved. I haven't had my bath yet. Where's the CK that I bought? Where's is the goddamned sexy Jockey that he likes? Where are my lenses? Where in the world is my deo? So without wasting a single moment you decide to rush into the shower. After a hurried shave and shower, you come out and spray copious amounts of deo on your body. You then stand in front of the mirror in probably a towel (sometimes nothing) and begin to think, oh fuck, age is showing on my love handles, and if by any chance you spot a gray hair, you're finished! But then you think, I can always have those annoying gray hairs colored. Oh why didn't I get them colored. Damnit! Since you are still undecided about what to wear you do a 'Eeny Meeny Miney Moe' and pick up a shirt from the cupboard, wear it and then decide 'Nah! this one is not good enough'. You fling it on the bed which already has a mountain of clothes piled up on it. Then you pick another one and then another before settling for a final one which is a wrinkle free light blue shirt with faint dark blue stripes and think to yourself, Yeah, this one looks good! I hope he likes it as well. And then wryly smile, the clothes are anyways not going to stay on long enough! ;-)

You take the tube of gel and apply it on your wet hair for that wet look. You wash your lenses and then inevitably drop them. You desperately search for them and find them in one unreachable corner of the loo. You wash them again and by the time you finish wearing them your cell phone starts howling! Uff! Who in the world is it? You rush out and see that it's your date calling.

Your date: "Where are you? I am on my way."
You (trying to cover up the delay): "Oh, I am on my way too. Will be there on time."
Your date: "Ok, see ya there."

As you finish, you realize that there's no way that you can reach on time unless they invent time travel. So you decide - Ok, let's move it before it's too late. You take the car keys, lock the door and rush downstairs in the lift. Rush to the car, start it and navigate your way through one smalls lane after another to avoid traffic snarls and then finally you reach the plush restaurant. As you park your car off the kerb, you seen your date standing there looking as gorgeous as ever and smiling at you. You kill the engine and get out of the car and walk towards him. You suddenly see his face turning crimson and as you go nearer to him, you feel that he is certainly uncomfortable with something in you. You start thinking - Hmmm....everything seems Ok to me! Why is he staring at me like that?

You finally reach him and are about to give him a hug when he pushes you away and says - "Where are your pants?" :-)

Hindi movies and homosexuality

I have always been a tad disappointed with the way in which homosexuals are portrayed in our films. Even though the modelling and the film industry apparently abounds with gays, the way gays are shown on celluloid leaves much to be desired. Even openly known gay film directors like Karan Johar or Onir shy from showing love between two men as it could be!

One of the earliest scenes that I remember which has a gay undertone is from the film Silsila. This is a scene in which Shashi Kapoor and Amitabh Bachchan are taking a shower together (apparently nude) and Shashi Kapoor deliberately drops the soap and asks AB to bend over and pick it up! AB being clever laughs and refuses to do so. They both remember their childhood 'mischiefs' and break into peels of laughter.

Later, I have seen in a number of films in which they mock the gay people quite shamelessly. Gay people are always shown to be effeminate (in other words drag queens). I remember quite a few films which have mocked the gay way of life in the most humiliating manner. In fact gay characters in films have always provided comic relief to a dead pan script. I find it especially painful when I see 'sensible' and 'saleable' film directors like KJ not doing enough to spread the message that homosexuals are no different from straight people and they too can have loving relationships. Instead, he chooses to show SRK and Saif Khan in certain tasteless comedy scenes in KHNH. What a sheer waste!!!

And then there are other directors like Onir who send out a very wrong message to the public at large with films like My Brother Nikhil. I appreciate the story of the film but Sanjay Suri's homosexual relationship with Purab Kohli is not treated well. I feel that 99% of the junta here in India is blissfully unaware of the gay way of life and thinks that gays exist only to fuck everything that moves!!! To add to this situation, when you associate HIV even remotely with a guy who has a gay relationship (even though the HIV may not be as a result of the relationship), then the effects can be catastrophic. People tend to believe that all gay men are HIV+ve and that in no way reflects the reality.

Recently, there have been films like Page 3 or Metro which portray gays to be utterly manipulative. This again sends wrong signals to the 'aam' junta! They start to believe that gays are indeed bad people who don't really care about anyone else's feelings! But that's hardly the truth. I found the film 'Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd' to be quite interesting! At least they tried to address the problem of a gay getting married in a mature and sensible manner. They also tried to touch upon the bisexual guys who also form a part of our society!

I have seen English movies with gay themes like 'Touch of Pink', 'TransAmerica'. 'Chicken Tikka Masala' and they have been much better both in terms of content and the message they tried to spread.

I certainly hope that with time more saleable directors and actors would not hesitate to portray homosexuals maturely, not as HIV infected or sex hungry maniacs or manipulative bitches but as individuals who just choose to love a person of their own gender and have a right to live a life with dignity and as happily as everyone else while contributing in their own way to the society.

Underwear ads!

I am appalled and amused by certain ads that are shown on television. The worst and sometimes even the most alluring are the male undergarment ads. Some of them are not only distasteful and obscene but also raise questions about the efficiency of the censor board which 'pass'es such atrocious ads to be telecast on prime time television! Others are a treat to watch!

:-P

One particularly 'disgusting' ad is the one in which a female is washing a male undergarment on the bank of a pond or whatever and other females are staring at her! Her face exudes orgasmic bliss while she rubs the underwear with her hands and then beats the shit out of it! She stretches its elastic possibly showing the other females that it can accomodate huge sizes inside! And then to top it all, a sleazy female voice declares - "Amul 'whatever' - Crafted for fantasies"!!!

Total crap!

There's another ad, but I guess that's still a tad better than the one mentioned above! Possibly because the ad has a hunk in it!! ;-) This ad would possibly appeal to females as well as males (including gays) alike! In this one, this cute semi nude hunk wrapped in just a towel opens the door expecting the dhobi, only to be shocked when he finds this rather voluptous female in skimpy clothes standing outside! Out of nervousness, he drops the towel and there he is wearing the brand of underwear. He frantically asks the female "Dhobi, kahaan hai?" (Where is the washer man?) to which she replies in a slutty voice "Aajse main hi kapde lene aaoongi, Nikaliye naa...kapde" (From today onwards, I will come to take clothes! Give me your clothes, please!!) The hunk smiles and then they show their clothes strewn all over the place! A guy's voice is heard - "Blah blah blah brand - Seriously X-rated"!

This is undoubtedly one of the raunchiest ads on Television these days! I am sure the ad-makers as well as the models do realize that such ads are not only intended for the straight male population but the gay junta as well! And probably that's why the male models in these ads are any gay's fantasy come true! ;-)

But whatever! Sex sells! And that's a known fact! So, we can just wait and expect to see more such ads on the tube in the future!