The Firm!

No, this is not an excerpt from or even a review of John Grisham's novel. :-) Read on to know more!

When I joined my present company, I had no idea that one day I would find so many 'like minded' friends in here. Much before I joined the company, I came across a group on Yahoo which was a forum for people like us from the company! I joined the group and dropped a message that I would be joining the company's training facility in Mysore. Soon enough, a couple of people messaged me saying that they would like to meet me!

One of them was at an overseas location at that time (he still is) - Sumi. The other was supposed to join the same facility a few days after me! I landed in Mysore on 26th June' 2004. The next two months there were memorable in more ways than one. Ours was a batch of more than 80 people. We were grouped in groups of four. It was work, work and more work all the way. Completing assignments, projects, attending lectures, last minute frenzy all became a part of our lives. But nevertheless it was great fun!

In the midst of all this, I met the guy who joined the facility a few days later. 'Sun' was a tall, dusky bloke. We instantly bonded and began to spread some gay cheer around the campus. Whenever we got an opportunity, we would hang out together! The crowd at the facility was fabulous. Mostly because, there were guys from every corner of the country and hence there was not a moment when we didn't have someone to fancy! :-)

After two months of training, I had to leave Mysore and 'Sun' behind. I was posted to Pune, close to Mumbai, my home! I was thrilled. Life moved along as it should have. I came in touch with a guy 'MB' from Mangalore. 'AB' contacted me on Orkut. He is married alright, but he has his heart in the right place. Both of them soon became good pals. MB soon left for an onsite assignment to the States.

Sometime in early 2006, 'Sun' contacted me from Bangalore. He told me that one of his college juniors SR had been posted to Pune. I met SR a couple of days later. He is from Delhi but is a Bangalorean by heart! Infact, he swears by his Bangalorean identity. He doesn't like Delhi much. Till then, I didn't have any close gay 'friend' in Pune. SR soon became an integral part of my life. I came to know two other fellas from the company through Orkut at about the same time. One was NS from Pune and the other AV from Hyderabad.

Days became months, months ticked into years! SR and I used to hang out sometimes, met often at office. It was fun to be with someone in office who was at ease with what we are! I met NS too in Pune. He is a one of my closest friends and confidantes now. AV was at onsite at that time. I got to meet him only when he returned in Jan 2007. He has grown from being just a friend to become one of biggest inspirations of my life.

In late 2006, I came in touch with 3 more people from the company. One was from Pune - AC and the two others from Bangalore - BR & FM. I met AC in Pune and BR & FM when I went to Bangalore in January 2007. FM introduced me to VV. My circle of gay friends in the firm was indeed growing.

AC and I soon became inseparable! We hang out together even to this day, going for lunch, tea together. We are shameless enough to lech on people right in front of them! :-D Anyways, AC knew a couple of people too in the company. He introduced me to them.

One day, a thought came to my mind and I started a forum online! It was a mailing list. Initially there were about 6-7 people on the same - Me, AC, SR, AV, VV, FM and NS.

Social Networking sites like Orkut, MySpace etc have invaded our lives. This was the first time I actually saw it at work. It was social networking at its best after that! Simply by word of mouth, the mailing list drew more and more people to it. More and more people got introduced to the mailing list one by one! LJ, KOP, MM, RG, SD, SAM, SUM, VM, BR, MB, JF, MK, RJ, SH have joined one by one at different points in time!! It's now a vibrant mailing list of almost 25 people. We have loads of fun on it! :-) We generally swap interesting anecdotes from our lives, coming out stories, travelogues, our photos, discuss anything and everything from our fears to our dreams.

It's really fun to be able to connect to so many people of diverse interests. Some of them are exceptionally talented. Some are good in dancing, some in photography, some in playing the flute, some in writing!!! Everyone has something unique about himself. It's as diverse as the gay pride flag. We have certainly proved that contrary to the stereotypical belief and mindset that we cannot think anything beyond sex, we as people can bond and build relationships too!

This group is now an integral part of my life and I cannot imagine being unable to connect to them even for a single day. I wish that one day, we have legitimate LGBT forums in companies in India as well. Thankfully, our firm in its policies says that no discrimination will be allowed on the basis of sexual orientation. This, I believe is a good sign. At least, the company recognizes that there could be people of alternate sexuality in its work force. However, even though the company thinks that way, since 90% of its workforce is Indian, the stereotypical belief about homosexuality being some form of perversion runs deep. It will take a lot of time and effort to actually convince these people or even the general public at large that most of us are like them! We have the same dreams to be happy, to have a few extra rupees in our pockets, to have our own home, to find a soulmate, to be successful, to be loved and to love someone!

I am glad that the times are gradually changing. Of late I have come out to quite some people and none of them have reacted adversely. The winds of change are blowing. I am really glad that our small mailing list is playing some part in breaking the myths and painting the town with a riot of gay colors!!! Long live The Forum! :-)

The Bong Konnection!

My experience with the Bengali male has been a tad disappointing! Even though I spent a good part of my growing up years in Kolkata, I never really fancied any Bengali guy! There was one exception though! His name was Adhiraj and he was undoubtedly the hunkiest Bengali guy in the school. He was my first serious crush! Even though we became good friends, I could never tell him how I exactly felt about him! Sigh...!!!

Somehow, over the years I have grown to believe that due to some divine intervention Bengalis do not exactly fit the bill of the stereotypical gay! Come on, after all 'we' hail from the land of men like Tagore and it doesn't really befit 'us' to act like normal 'gays' who lust and crave for flesh! :-) 'We' simply have a superiority complex. And that applies to every Bengali, whether gay or straight, whether man or woman!! That's why you would find fellow Bengalis sticking to each other in even the remotest corners of the planet!

During my days in Kolkata, I used to closely observe the Bengali boys! While most other boys (read non-Bengali boys) used to freak out and have loads of fun, our Bengali boy would religiously oil his hair everyday. Then he would comb it until his hair was so glued to his head that even a hurricane couldn't ruffle it. He would then have a sumptuous lunch of 'Maachh Bhaat' and then trudge to school. His mother would arrive in the evening to pick him up from school and drop him to tuition classes and at the end of the day the son, the father and the mother would all sleep happily ever after...This image was so common that it remains etched in my memory to this day. Mothers running after their sons and daughters 24x7, feeding them while the son/ daughter diligently revises his/ her lessons before the 'porikkha', dropping off the kid at the exam centre with the complete entourage of Baba, Ma, Bhaai, Bon, Pishi, Mashi, Mesho, Mama, Kaka, Kakima, Dadu, Dida and even the family pet! Thankfully, the author of this blog was a notable exception! :-)

Therefore it used to be a pleasant surprise to see a Bengali boy who was none of this!! But then their numbers remain dismally low even to this day. Kolkata is therefore definitely not the best place to find guys! During my last few years in Kolkata, I got introduced to a few guys here and there! Through them I came to know that Minto Park and Nandan in Central Kolkata were the gay hang outs! I visited this place a few times either alone or with them but I am sorry to say that no one really appealed to me! It was a hangout for a bunch of fairies who would squeal in orgasmic delight at every passing cute guy! The only people I ever connected to well, while in Kolkata were visitors either from Delhi or Mumbai.

Even when the modelling and movie industries are abuzz with a bevy of so-called Bengali bombshells like Sushmita, Rani, Bipasha, Konkona or the lesser known Koena or Tanushree, the Bong men have never quite commanded a second look from anyone! Bengali men have always been known as the intellectual or communist kinds who couldn't care any less about the way they look or dress! They would rather yell at the top of their voices under the scorching sun about the injustices of the 'kendriyo shorkaar' but never care to do the human race a favor by wearing a deoderant! To expect such men to be even remotely gay would be a nightmare that would last till Doomsday!

Even though Kolkata prides itself on being able to organize gay pride marches every year, it desperately needs a crash course in what it means to be gay! Being gay is not merely about walking down the streets in drag and yelling for gay rights! Darlings, you guys are just reinforcing the stereotypes!!! It's a lot more than that! Guys from Delhi, Mumbai, Bengalooru or even Pune can definitely teach these guys a thing or two.

Everytime I have been to Kolkata in the past few years, I have met people. But strangely none of them originally belong to Kolkata! Like, last time I met this guy Charles who was indeed born and brought up in Kolkata but had Malayali roots! I guess that made him more desirable to me! I met another fella called Bobby who was a Bengali but then he had never been in Kolkata for more than a month at a stretch! He had been brought up in the States! I haven't really come across too many desirable Bengali chaps in Kolkata! Of course, exceptions do exist like Debjyoti or Swapnoneel who can undoubtedly be regarded as the best that Bongs can ever be!

I have met Bengalis in Mumbai and in Pune. But strangely, they have never really lingered beyond a few meetings or ..... A notable exception has been one guy who although born and brought up in Bengal has UP roots! However he himself feels like a Bong! :-) He has been a great friend for quite some time! I really cherish the time we have spent together. If somebody asks me whom would I consider to be desirable, I would reply guys from Delhi / Mumbai / Bengalooru top the list! Punjabis, Gujjus, Catholics, Mallus and now Maharashtrians have always done me in a way that no 'real' Bengali ever has or ever will!

But hopefully, things will change for the better now. With a host of IT and BPO companies setting up their centres in Kolkata and a large population of migrants from different corners of India, the gay scene in Kolkata can be expected to receive a much needed overhaul. Even though Bengalis still form a major chunk of the population in Kolkata, the Bengali gay population is still by and large unpalatable! :-) That's why it's no surprise to find cute looking hunks from Bombay or Delhi who stay in Salt Lake or Camac Street searching fervently and desperately for some 'do'able men on Manjam or Guys4Men. I happened to chat with one such guy called Rohit a few days back! After a brief chat with him, I realized that the IT and Call Centre boom in Kolkata has thankfully aided its gay fauna - we now have cute men from Delhi, Gurgaon, Bombay, Hyderabad and Bangalore in the City of Joy, all trying their very best to spread some gay cheer.

Keep up the good work guys! Kolkata desperately needs you. :-)

Memories from yore...

My life in Kolkata has always evoked mixed feelings. Even though I was brought up in Kolkata and stayed there for a good fifteen years (1984 to 1999), yet I remained relatively unaffected by the stereotypical Bong culture. This was primarily because, I was brought up in a cosmopolitan environment. Since my Dad had a job which could send him off to far flung places, my parents thought it wise to have me study Hindi instead of Bangla.

My school is one of the biggest schools in Kolkata - South Point. At one point in time, it had a student strength of about 13000. My class consisted of a veriety of students from all corners of India. This was the only class which was cosmopolitan. All the other classes had only Bengali students. Ours was the only class in which Hindi was taught as a second language in addition to English. In all the rest, Bengali was the secondary language next to English. We had the most spoilt kids - Marwari brats who had pocket money running into hundreds even in those days, a few Tamils, a few Gujaratis, a few Mallus and us - a handful of Hindi learning Bengalis.

Anyway, the point is that because of such an environment, I never had any Bengali friends except an occassional one or two who were also in my class. So, I never got to interact with any one who actually was bred in Bengali culture. For a good part of my life, I couldn't read or write Bengali. I tried painstakingly to learn the language by trying to read the billboards, the movie posters, Anandabazar Patrika - the leading Bong daily etc and asking my parents for clarifications. After years of effort I finally managed to scroll my first letter in Bengali to my granny. She was more than happy to get it even though it may have been 99.99% wrong in spellings.

Some of my best friends in school were non-Bengalis. There was S. Ramdas - a typical Tamil guy, Kalaimani Kartick - another Tamil, Abhishek Dhingra - the Punjabi 'bong' :-), Nitin Jain - the frail looking sweet Marwari boy, Prakash Parakh - the little girly Gujarati lad, Rashi Agarwal - the ever studious Marwari girl, Rachna Saha, Bijal Kamdar, Arati Bhartia and my only Bengali friend of those times - Priyadarshi Sarkar - the topper of the class. These are the people whom I grew up with. They went out of their way to help me in times of need and I reciprocated in equal measure. Among all of them, Kartick, Ramdas, Nitin and Priyadarshi deserve special mention.

As part of the curriculum, we are supposed to learn Sanskrit for two years in Standards VII and VIII. We, as Hindi students had no option but to choose Sanskrit. But Bengali students had the option to either choose Hindi or Sanskrit. So, we suddenly found a set of new classmates who had joined our class for Sanskrit lessons. Most of them were Bengalis. During the Bengali lectures, they used to leave our classroom and go to some place else to attend their Bengali periods. Even though, we had new classmates, I never was too close to any of the Bongs around. Neither did I feel the need to bond with them.

Around this time, my cousin came down to study in Kolkata. She became one of my best pals around at home. We could discuss anything, we could laugh about anything! It was she who introduced me to the world of English fiction. It was she who inspired me to be confident of myself. She spent a good 3 years with us till her graduation was over. It was her presence at home that made my home life more colorful and cheerful than ever before.

I remember a very funny incident from Std. VIIIth. It was a Physical Training period and the boys were supposed to attend the same in shorts. So most boys used to wear shorts inside their trousers and get them off during the period. I hated the idea of undressing in front of all these guys and girls and so mostly, I used to wear only shorts on PT days. So, anyway, on that day, all the girls had left the classroom as usual and the boys were in various states of undress. Soon, most of the boys also left and only 5 including me remained. I was putting things in place and arranging my school bag. Even I was about to leave. There was this rowdy group of 3-4 Bong guys who had joined recently and they were the ones who used to discuss birds and the bees quite openly in the class. These guys were fooling around and suddenly, their discussion turned to the 'size'. I felt my ears turning crimson in embarassment. These guys huddled in one corner of the classroom and were flashing their 'stuff' to each other. I dashed outside when I suddenly saw a girl running wildly towards the classroom. I signalled to her not to go inside but she didn't really understand what I meant. I waited outside the classroom to see her reaction. She went inside, stood for a second and did an about-turn. When she came out she was visibly shocked. I smiled at her and we started laughing our hearts out. For the remaining time during the PT class, we were constantly giggling. A good ten minutes later when the 4 guys joined us in the PT class, their faces were flushed red. It was a hilarious sight.

Durga Pooja - the primary Bengali festival was spent amidst a lot of fun! We used to run off to our granny's place on most occassions. It was great fun there! We didn't see too many Pujas in Kolkata. We spent most of the Pujas in Midnapore which was about 120 kms from Kolkata - a small idyllic town akin to Malgudi of R.K. Narayan! :-) We were pampered a lot there! Infact, most of our long holidays like the month long summer and Puja vacations were spent in Midnapore.

It seems funny that although I spent a good fifteen years, I seldom went to places of interest in Bengal. We neither went to Darjeeling nor to Shantiniketan, nor to the Bengalis' favorite get away - Digha. Plans were made on numerous occassions but they fell flat on their face! It's also queer that I seldom roamed around Kolkata on my own. Infact, the only time I went to the much hyped Kolkata Book Fair was in 1996 when a huge fire razed it to ashes!! I had just gone there to take a look at the trail of destruction! I never went inside Victoria Memorial. The only time I saw the Indian Museum or the Botanical Gardens at Shibpur was because the school took all of us on educational trips. I visited Dakshineswar, Belur Math a couple of times, Kalighat probably 3 to 4 times!!! And that was all. I still don't know more than 75% of the places in Kolkata. :-P At one point in time, I used to squirm at the thought of going to places like Garia or Behala or Tollygunge! My Kolkata began from Ravindra Sarovar and ended in New Market! :-D

Anyway, back to school days! Things changed in Standard IXth. In Standard IX, all students are divided according to the additonal subjects they choose. Most of my non-Bengali friends settled in for Economics. I selected Biology. So, suddenly I found myself in a completely new environment. We were just 3 or 4 Hindi students in the class of 60. The rest all were Bengali students. For months on end, I felt completely disconnected. We, the Hindi students used to stick together and we hardly made any new friends in the new class. The only guy whom I knew among the Bengali students was Ranjan. I had known Ranjan since Standard VIIIth, because we took the school bus from the same bus stop. We had started talking since then and instantly became good friends. Over the next 4 years, Ranjan became one of my closest buddies. Infact he was probably the only Bengali friend whom I could open my heart out to. We used to go to tuitions together, catch movies together, explore about the birds and the bees together and go for evening walks together and engage in constant 'PNPC' that Bongs excel in. (PNPC = Poro Ninda Poro Chorcha - in layman's terms, it's a polished word for Bitching ;-))

I remember another anecdote vividly. This was in Standard IXth. There was this Bengali guy in our class called Adhiraj Ghosh. He was extremely cute and it wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that he was my first serious crush at school. I secretly admired him and wanted to be friends with him, but I didn't really know how to approach him because that would have looked rather silly. Anyway, the opportunity presented itself in form of Friendship day. I decided to give greeting cards to a few selected people whom I wanted to be friends with. This was just a conner. I had to hide my obvious interest in Adhiraj and that's why I deliberately made it look like that I was interested in making friends with some other guys too!!! After mustering enough courage, I finally walked upto him and gave him the card. He accepted it. And soon enough we became good friends as well. I could never tell him what I actually felt for him but just the fact that he was around me made me happy. Since I was one of the brainy chaps in class, he used to come to me for notes etc. I was soon a regular at his place. I got introduced to his mom, his dad and his elder sis who incidentally shares her name with my sis as well. :-) It's sad that we couldn't keep in touch though! He moved to Bangalore right after 10th. Later I heard from one of his cousins that he had gone off to the UK. Ever since that, I have tried to find out about him but to no avail.

Standard XIth and XIIth were a roller coaster ride, quite literally. After scoring moderately well in the Xth boards, the science subjects of Standard XIth were too much to comprehend. So, much so that the 'never happened' actually happened. I flunked in Physics in one exam, Chemistry in the next and Mathematics in another!! But then, I was not the only one. That was the plight of a majority of the students. We were all promoted to XIIth with warnings to improve our performance. A flurry of new tuitions one for each subject kept all of us on our tenterhooks for the next two years. I particularly dreaded Mathematics. It never made any sense to me especially the solid geometry and calculus parts! Ranjan was equally apprehensive of the subject. Both of us had the same Mathematics tuitions. It's a miracle really, how we managed to clear all the subjects with good grades in the XIIth boards! :-)

1999 was a turning point in my life. I finally bade farewell to Kolkata leaving behind a past and looking forward to a future. My days in Kolkata taught me a lot. The trying circumstances at home taught me how to be hopeful in even the most adverse situations and how to make the most of it. It taught me that life is too valuable to be spent brooding over the past. We must live every moment and learn to live every moment like that moment is gonna be the last moment of our mundane lives! If we succeed in doing so, then when we grow old and look back we would not have any regrets! :-)

People say that Kolkata is a dying city! A city full of contrasts - the city of filth, a city where the poorest of the poor live! Yet, it has given us some of the best luminaries of all times like Tagore and Ray to name a few. It is a city where an octogenarian toiled till the very last days of her life to serve mankind. Even though I never had any special feeling for the city while I was there, it is only now that I feel a sense of belonging to the place. I want to go back to my roots over and over again!!! Never have I felt so much connected to the place. It leaves me with a sense of pride to belong to a place which once was the jewel in the crown of the British Empire!!!

Love thy neighbor! :-)

I have been staying at this cute little place for almost a year now. It's a row house and I occupy one of the three rooms on the first floor. It's got an attached bath, a balcony, and I have tried to make it feel like home. I have put up blue curtains, got a TV with cable, my PC with broadband, a closet full of my clothes, a soft cushy bed, lots of movie DVD's etc. So much so, that on weekends, I am virtually confined to my room unless it is utmost necessary to go out.

The two other rooms have also been let out too and they are occupied by one guy each. Recently, one of the rooms got vacant and a guy from Delhi called Naveen has moved in. Naveen is a 25 year old chap, cute looking albeit quite stocky. Though I must say that if he shed those extra pounds he could become quite desirable to the already starving Pune gay community.

We spoke a couple of times earlier but were never really 'into' each other! Anyways on Friday evening, this guy knocked on my door and we started talking. I invited him to sit inside. He told me about his job, how he came to Pune, about his family etc. The guy is so damn frustrated that he can actually be a perfect case for study. Much of the frustration is because of his work place. He works for Tech Mahindra and was a Test Lead there. Some manager apparently lured him to Pune promising him an onsite opportunity but that never came. Some other guy was packed off to the UK in his place and as it turned out that he became the most junior resource in his current team. Now, that's a recipe for disaster. That's where it all started. He has lost sleep over this situation. He in fact barely sleeps over 4 hours a day. He doesn't eat much, though I must say that not eating will do him more good. :-) He is technically sound and is quite a nerd so to say, or so I thought until Saturday evening.

He bought a new computer on Friday evening and borrowed a couple of movie DVD's from me. On Saturday morning, as I was about to go for lunch, I knocked on his door and we went out together. Over lunch too, he kept on telling me about his job and all that. I consciously tried to look interested but it wasn't interesting at all. I had to fake interest all the way. I changed the subject and asked him about his personal life, like if he was single / committed. As it turned out he said that he couldn't afford to be committed at the moment because apparently he was too busy concentrating on his career. Talk about lame excuses. But anyway, then he asked me THE question of the day. "Are you a virgin?" I was a little perturbed by the suddenness of that question though I was thoroughly enjoying the direction in which the conversation was moving. I replied "No" thinking to myself "Sweetheart, do you know whom you are talking to?" Anyway after lunch, we went back home and slept through the rest of the afternoon. In the evening around 7 he again came knocking at my door and asked me if I wanted to catch a movie with him. I replied in the affirmative. We went to the closest multiplex but as it turned out the tickets were sold out.

I suggested that we go to have dinner together at this resort "Up & Above", not far from our place. We reached the place and ordered drinks and food. I had two pegs of vodka but this guy wouldn't stop. He kept on drinking and blabbering more about his office politics and his frustration. The conversation quickly moved to his rather flamboyant life in Delhi where he confessed that he had apparently made out thirty five times with all kinds of females - Indian, Israeli, Spanish, American etc etc etc. He boasted about his so called 'contacts' and how the girls were mind blowing. He also told me that during one of his previous trips to Pune, he had slept with some hooker here too. And then, he suggested the most bizarre thing! He told me "Dude, if you ever want to (visualize a hand gesture here), let me know. Let's go together and have some good time..." I simply nodded and smiled. I mean, what am I supposed to do with a female hooker. Play hide and seek? I can't surely be a lesbian. :-(

After dinner, we returned home. He then asked me if we could watch a movie together. We watched RDB together lying on his bed side by side and throughout the movie he was saying that he was willing to pay upto 6K for a night with the firang actress in the movie. Oh. My. God. He was high on spirits. He kept on boasting about how he had nailed a girl in Delhi. He told me that he preferred oral sex because it was good fun. He told me about his trips to some female in Delhi who gave him 'fantastic' blow jobs for 150 rupees. I was smirking and thinking to myself "Honey, what girls can do, I can do better!!" After the movie was over, he put on some porn and insisted that I gave him company through it. I was genuinely uncomfortable with him next to me. And I had to squirm, twist and turn to hide the obvious. Anyway, finally when the movie ended, he had something even more interesting to say...He said "Dude, let's go and bang a chick together tomorrow." I just smiled and dashed for the exit.

The incident was really funny. For the rest of the night I kept thinking that whether he could be told. But then I decided that it was best to keep quiet. On Sunday evening, I was watching Will & Grace. He came and watched it too. It was indeed a good weekend spent. I got to study another specimen of the species up, close and personal. :-)

I am gay because...

Let's talk about something interesting, shall we?

What makes me gay? Let's make this as funny and interesting as possible.

1. I can call anyone "honey" including pets.

2. I understand the immense importance of good lighting especially in photographs!

3. I can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot the hottest guy.

4. I can tell a woman that I love her bathing suit, and truly mean her bathing suit.

5. I can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.

6. I really have "been there, done that."

7. My women friends tell me everything I want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything.

8. I am the only type of male who gets to say "fabulous."

9. I have naked pictures of men I don't know in my home.

10. I can have naked men I don't know in my home.

11. I understand why the good Lord invented spandex.

12. I know how to get back at just about everyone. And have.

13. I can smile to let someone know I can't stand them.

14. I am good pals with women other people can't stand.

15. I know how to dress strategically.

16. I am the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than I did in high school.

17. You know that sex complicates things. So?

18. I choose the most fabulous greeting cards.

19. I know how to program my DVD player.

20. I've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.

21. I've called someone "girlfriend" who is neither a girl nor a friend.

22. I know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.

23. My favorite dinner accessory is often my dinner companion.

24. I've shaved something other than my face.

25. Unlike most straight women, I have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.