I wanna do him!

I have a bad habit! :-) Whenever I see a cute guy, say while walking on the street or even in my office for that matter, I immediately try to mentally strip him down and have my way with him. I wish, if only I could make out with at least 99% of them! Wow, just imagine that hottie I see everyday, in his bikini brief, staring at me with his piercing eyes, almost waiting to pounce on me....I'm not even gonna finish that sentence! I'm just gonna have a happy party in my head.

I was talking to this guy the other who is working in the same firm as I am. Presently he is posted in the US. He told me the only reason that he hasn't contemplated leaving the company for greener pastures is because, our company supposedly has the best eye candy! Now, that's a unique reason, ain't it? So, you see, I have every reason to believe that I am i good company!

There are actually about half a dozen guys (some in my office and some chat friends) who are on my to-do list. I don't really know them personally or havn't met them. Yet, when I bump into them at office, sly glances are exchanged and sometimes smiles too. While chatting online with the rest, I just imagine myself to be with them and have a happy party in my head!

So, here's my to-do list for you all. :-)

1. There is this really good looking guy in my office who is a stunner in all respects. Tall, well shaped, impeccably well dressed and a killer smile. Every time I see him, I go weak in my knees. I would love to be in his arms. Sometimes I wish, if only I could just fake a fall from the stairs when he would be around and he would rush to hold me in his arms! Wow, wouldn't that just be awesome?

2. There is another one in my office, who has droopy eyes and a lean frame, almost seems that he is hungry to make love - that one is the second in my to-do list. He seems to be a little hairy but seems really well endowed! I caught a glimpse of his thing in the rest room once. LOL.

3. The third one is also from my work place. He is cute-as-hell, with long eyelashes, a dazzling smile and an utterly delicious behind! There have been so many instances where he has caught me staring at him and I have turned crimson red!

4. The fourth one is a guy from Goregaon. He has been away from Mumbai for some time now because of an assignment in Bangalore. He is hot as hell and apart from that he is a gem of a person too!

5. The fifth one is a Punjabi guy from Chembur. I came across him just a few days ago accidentally and we have had quite a few chat sessions ever since. He is totally my kinda guy. Good looking, adventurous, level headed, smooth talker and is passionate about sex. :-) Hope to meet him soon.

6. The sixth one is a guy from Mahim. He has a killer body. I would so like to melt away in his arms even if it just for once.

There are a few more but I think they have become rather insignificant with time. I so wish that my to-do list translates into some real action soon! The guys from office, well, could be beyond my reach but I surely want to make it really special for the other three.Let me keep my fingers crossed! :-)

I wish to be reborn...

I wish to be reborn...

As a 'normal' guy,

Perhaps, life would be a lot easier.

And not so dry.

They say I'm abnormal.

I wonder, am I?

Why does it matter to me?

Why does it make me cry?

Why do I care so much...

About what the world says?

Why is it so hard to find...

The nights of my endless days?

Why am I born this way?

Is it a curse that haunts me?

Is it a bane of a misdeed?

Or a way in which life taunts me?

I've heard love exists everywhere.

Then, why is it hard to find?

Is it because I am not worth it,

Or because I am simply blind?

They say 'our' life is unnatural,

It would lead us nowhere.

It's a story of looks and lust,

Of loneliness and despair.

I've still not found love,

Not found the ONE.

Yet, I've not given up,

My work's still not done.

They tell me to get married,

To some hapless poor girl.

Why, on earth should I do that,

And let myself ruin her world?

Yet, I don't have the courage

To live lonely till I die,

Perhaps, I have to become a ruthless man

And cover up the truth with a lie.

I pray to God to show me the way,

So that I don't hurt anyone.

But more so, I pray for myself,

So that I can find that someone.

I don't have much time in hand,

To decide what's good for me.

A lie, a compromise, a dual life?

Or a life of love forever to be?

Even if I find love,

How do I know it'll stay forever?

Maybe it'll wither away too

Just like a bunch of roses together.

Oh lord, make me find my love

And make it last till I die,

Give me the wisdom and the courage

To make it worth the try.

I give myself this chance,

To try and find a reason to live,

Before I resign to destiny,

Let me spend as much love as I can give.

Pass on the flame...

As a child, I remember that I used to sit quietly and watch my granny do the daily puja in the “Pujor Ghor” every morning. She would chant holy prayers, decorate the images and idols with flowers and garlands and apply sandalwood paste on them. She would then bathe the Shiv Ling with water and milk. She would then do a small ‘aarti’ and finally blow the conch shell to signal the end of the ritual. This was the routine every morning. It used to take about an hour and half to complete the pujo!

It was from that time that I seemed to be drawn towards spirituality and our holy books. I used to buy small images of various gods and goddesses and keep them with me. I also got to read the Puranas, the Ramayana and the Mahabharat during the summer holidays. Upendrakishore Roychowdhury, the grandfather of legendary film maker Satyajit Ray has written wonderful books for children which contain detailed accounts from all the holy scriptures. They were written for children, yet they were fantastically detailed and used to fill me with an ethereal sense of happiness and profound knowledge.

I read through Ramayana and Mahabharat almost one after the other. In fact, I was reading the Mahabharat while the television series was still being telecast. But somehow, even at that small age, I found Mahabharat enormously more interesting than Ramayana.

Ramayana is a good story nevertheless, it has a lot to teach us but somehow I didn’t find the character of Rama to be as glorious as it is portrayed. I somehow couldn’t digest the way Rama treated Seeta and sent her away to the forest just to allay doubts of a lone washer man about her chastity and character. Though, many pundits have come up with remarkable explanations for this act, I still do not find any semblance of logic behind such a harsh step. Another incident which raises questions in my mind is the time when Seeta after being rescued from Ravana is asked by Rama to step into the holy pyre to prove her chastity. I somehow couldn’t and probably still can’t find any reason behind these acts of Rama.

An interesting story that I had learnt later was that before leaving for Panchavati, Rama had asked the Fire God, Agni to keep the ‘original’ Seeta under his protection. The 'Seeta' who went with Rama and Lakshman to the forest was just a ‘reflection’ of the original Seeta. So, when ‘this’ Seeta was rescued from the evil Ravana, through the holy pyre, the Fire God merely returned the original Seeta back to Rama. Nice story! But somehow it seems that it has only been cooked up only to prove that Rama could never do anything wrong to anyone. I am not saying that Rama does not deserve to be called great, I only wish that he could have been a little more human and not so 'divine'.

Getting to Mahabharat, the story is a marvelous piece. It has dealt with every human emotion in a way that no other book has, or ever will. Right from the marriage of King Shantanu to Ganga to Yudhisthir’s entry into heaven, the story is a fantastic tapestry of happiness, sorrow, success, defeat, avarice, enmity, envy and most importantly eternal knowledge. Knowledge - which is so profound that it remains relevant to this very day even after thousands of years. When I read the story for the first time, I was fascinated to know that the writer Ved Vyas himself is part of the story. He makes several appearances throughout the entire narrative – the most important aspect being that he is the biological father of Dhritarashtra and Pandu, whose sons the Kauravas and the Pandavas fought each other in the bloody battle of Kurukshetra. He makes an appearance once again much later and warns Draupadi to ‘take care’ of her hair as a subtle warning of her impending disrobing in the Kuru Sabha!

There are so many characters and incidents to talk about from the Mahabharat but the few characters that have had a lasting impact on me are Draupadi, Arjuna and Krsna!

Draupadi is perhaps the only woman in Indian mythology who chose to live life by her own standards and refused to be treated as an object. When she is dragged to court in order to be humiliated, she questions each of her five husbands about her plight. None of them can answer her questions. She takes a vow not to tie her hair unless the blood of Dushyasan is brought to her to wash off her humiliation. Draupadi is fiery, she is the epitome of womanhood. She proves her fiery nature when she asks Bheem to kill Keechak, the brother-in-law of the King of Viraat, for being lusty towards her. She proves that it is a woman who can either make or break a family, an entire race or a community. She proves without a shred of doubt that societies or people who do not respect women as equals are doomed for utter destruction.

The unique chemistry between Arjuna and Krsna is delightful. They are friends and yet Arjuna regards Krsna as his Guru. When Arjuna’s mind is restless just before the great war, he asks Krsna for guidance and thereby we receive from Krsna the teachings of Geeta! Geeta is not just a book, it is a way of life. It exhorts every human being to strive to be free from 'Maya' - the all pervading film of foolish emotions which baffles us everyday, to regard happiness and sorrow with the same feelings, to believe that death is inevitable and that it is not the end but a new beginning, to believe in doing one's own Karma and not to worry about the results, to strive to achieve salvation and getting rid of the cycles of birth, misery and death. It's a wonderful song that gives us enough to ponder and act on for the rest of our lives.

There are many small stories and parables in Mahabharat from which we can learn a lot. I sometimes feel very glad and proud that we as a generation have grown up seeing the Ramayana and the Mahabharat on TV. We may not know the inherent meaning of everything in the great epics but at least we do know the stories themselves. I do feel pity for the children of today. They are perpetually surrounded by computers and gadgets and are gradually turning into mechanized beings. They would probably never get to know about these wonderful stories from our past in as much detail or with as much attention as we did. Who could have ever imagined that kids of today would have to learn about HanuMan through a cartoon? And for many of them, he is not even a form of God anymore, he is just a superhero like SpiderMan or SuperMan. :-) But I guess, times have changed a lot. Kids have so many options for entertainment now that we cannot expect them to sit through over 100 episodes of Ramayana and Mahabharat. May be cartoons are the only way out! I just wish that the young parents of today would at least find some time in educating their kids by telling them stories from these wonderful epics from time to time. Maybe that's how our scriptures will pass on to the coming generations and fill their lives with eternal knowledge and bliss.

I won. Thank you!

I talked yesterday about a funny incident the night before “Bou bhaat”. Here goes…

There we were all the cousins (boys and girls) including the bride and the groom, atop the roof very late at night. A few of us were drinking and all of us were generally talking about everything under the sun. The topic of discussion veered from one subject to another before it ultimately came to our childhood and adolescence. Yes, the good old happy-go-lucky times! The groom embarrassed me to bits when he declared that it was ‘yours truly’ who had introduced him and his younger bro to the big bad world of porn! (Albeit straight, but porn nevertheless! :-)) Well, I have no regrets about that. It’s all a part of growing up. We yapped and yapped. About this and about that. 

The topic of discussion was still related to our growing up years. The groom suddenly asked an open question to all – “So, what’s the maximum no. of times you have beaten off in a day?” Without realizing what I was getting myself into, I declared, seven. Winks. Well, to be true, I really don’t remember. It’s not something that is worth the effort of remembering. So, as far as I am concerned, it was just another random number. It would also be safe to say that since I was the eldest among the lot I was kinda hoping that the younger flock would certainly go much beyond seven. But to my utter horror and embarrassment, I found that I have won the epithet of “Shag-guru” hands down!!! A younger cousin who is 17 said thrice, some other said twice, some other said four times, someone said five. But that’s it. My cheeks turned crimson when they started doing the elaborate “bowing down with their hands help up” ritual for me and all this happened in the presence of the girls who were giggling away to glory.  :-) :-)

After all this happened, even the gal pal of my cousin (who had flown down from Mangalore for the wedding) remarked that we were really cool to have actually discussed all that without even a trace of awkwardness (or so she thought!) :-) So, I guess it was OK. It all happened in good spirit and everyone enjoyed it. Though, I fear that the next time, I go to Kolkata and I meet those cousins, they may start doing the bowing down ritual all over again! I hope they have forgotten all about it by now. LOL. 

The Big Fat Bong Wedding

I spent the latter half of April in sultry, sweaty and oh-so-terribly-hot-that-I-hated-it Kolkata. Now if you have read my previous posts, you must know already that I have spent a good part of my childhood and adolescence in good ol’ City of Joy. Though I would say that Kolkata in those days was quite different from what it has become now. Or maybe, it was all the same, I was not aware of it. Anyway, whatever the case may be, Kolkata is awful in summers. Period.

The occasion I was in Kolkata for, was my cousin’s wedding. He is a convent school educated bloke who’s so utterly cool that I love him for that. Everything that he says, he does, exudes a special warmth which makes him so very adorable. He married the love of his life after a few years’ (or so I know) of courtship. The bride is a sweetheart. She is one of the most down to earth and effervescent Bong girl that I have met in a long time.

Now, just to digress a little, I tend to find Bong girls a bit too whiny and pretentious not to mention their tendency to become obese! Before you know, the school girl has metamorphosed into the “bhodro mohila”. Eww. There were quite a handful of them in my class in school and I was friends with a quite a few. In fact if you go through my “slam book” from school, you will more entries by Bong girls than anybody else. But even after all that, my outlook towards them remained all the same. They were just too “makey”. I know some of you may differ, some will say that all girls are like that, some will actually bay for my blood after reading this but anyway, as far as I am concerned, I have rarely come across a level headed Bong girl who can even begin to equal Sushmita (The Sen). J Yes, that’s my benchmark as far as Bong girls are concerned. :-)

So, there we were in Kolkata for the wedding. My aunt gave me a lovely “tusser” kurta, the color was a variation of blue, the fabric soft and silky. This was the first time, I was actually supposed to wear an Indian ensemble, complete with “dhoti” and “mojris” and believe me, God knows, I squirm even at the thought of wearing anything ethnic. Anyway, somehow, I convinced myself to wear that. So far so good. But the moment I stepped outside the house, I was sweating like a dog. The heat was unbearable and so was the humidity. It was a recipe for disaster. The wedding was solemnized in an air-conditioned venue, so the discomfort was alleviated a bit. But through the night, I couldn’t close my eyelids even for a minute (after returning from the venue to the bride’s place) because the fabric didn’t let any breeze pass through it and all the gang stayed wide awake “maaroing adda” to the hilt at the top of their voices. By the time morning dawned and we were ready for the “bidaai” I had almost gone crazy with the heat! I swore that I would stay clear of ethnic even if the world was coming to an end. And I would try to avoid visiting Kolkata in the summers as much as the plague.

The “Bou bhaat” (at Midnapore) was a nice affair. Even though the heat was unbearable again, the open air garden attached to the venue provided the much needed relief amidst welcoming the guests and keeping a tab on the received gifts et al. A special thing that I would like to mention is about the “Santhal” dancers who had come all the way from Jhargram to entertain the guests with their tribal dance that has been made so famous worldwide. Thanks to Satyajit Ray’s Agantuk. Their music, the drumbeats, the cymbals, their songs, their synchronized steps, their red-bordered cotton sarees, the flowers in their hair and the traditional tribal ornaments were oh-so-fabulous. Many of the ladies of the household including the bride joined hands with the dancers much akin to Mamata Shankar in Agantuk. It was such a splendid Kodak moment. :-)

The second "more Western" reception was in Kolkata. The venue was awesome. It was at the army territorial headquarters in Kolkata. It was air-conditioned. It had a huge garden which was deliciously decorated. And to everyone’s relief, there was a pleasant southerly breeze which was blowing. This was by far the best reception that I have ever attended.

So ended, the wedding trip to Kolkata. Amidst all the heat and discomfort, I had a deliciously fabulous time over the ten days. The wedding itself was divine and it’s memory is going to stay fresh for a long time to come. I was back in Mumbai before my folks returned because I was supposed to join office at Pune. Even as I was returning to Pune, I was going through the photos that I had clicked. The photos covered every single ceremony that happens in a Bengali wedding. I proudly shared the link to the Picasa album with my office folks. Most of them were seeing photos of a traditional Bengali wedding for the first time. I think what amused (or in some cases shocked) them the most was the sheer enormity of the fish head (“machher muro”) that is served to the bride on the day of the “Bou bhaat” over lunch. Many of my colleagues giggled when they saw the snap and asked me, “how on earth is she supposed to eat something as big as that?” I told them that it is just a custom and the bride just takes a few bites of it. Hopefully that convinced them. J I also hoped that the photos cleared many of the misconceptions that non-Bongs have about Bengali culture / weddings especially after seeing “that mockery of Bong culture” otherwise known as SLB’s Devdas.

I remember one particularly funny incident that happened the night before “Bou bhaat”. I will talk about that in my next post. :-)