Yawn! God, make them stop!

Picture this. Yawn!!! You're the lone gay guy amidst a bunch of straight blokes and they are discussing something which you don't really care about. Yawn again!!! How many times have you faced this kind of a situation?

Being a part of such a group of straight boys is quite a challenge for most closet cases. Even if you're out to them, it can be quite intimidating. I can tell you from personal experience, the usual topics of discussion among the straight boys are as insipid to the gay palate as a dirty magazine would be to them without their centrespreads of big-busted beauties.

Nevertheless, on many occasions we find ourselves in social situations where we are probably the only gay person in a quarter mile radius. What do we do? Should we just walk away or should we stick around and feign interest? I, for one have tried both. Like in college, on numerous occasions, I found myself in a room full of guys discussing about the 'availability' of a certain girl or watching some straight porn. I had to excuse myself because it made me genuinely uncomfortable. Cricket and all other forms of sports were off limits as well as topics of discussion. Many a times, I simply faked interest in their banter just in a vain attempt to fit in. I can't say that I was successful in any of that.

The two options I spoke about above may work differently in different situations. In few cases, dashing to the nearest exit may be the best option especially when you know that you'd probably end up slashing your own wrists out of boredom at the end of the discussion. But in most cases, this may not work. Simply because, you can't run away from social gatherings or group situations just like that. If you do, people may label you as a 'prude' (trust me, I know) and that I am sure, you would not like. So, what do we do? The best recourse is to deliberately and cautiously try to change the topic of discussion to something which you find comfortable to be a part of. For example, if they are talking about Cricket and going on boring you with a ball-by-ball perspective about the latest match, digress the discussion by simply talking about the latest gossip about the 'alleged' link up between a certain celebrity and a cricketer. Or if they are talking rather grossly about a certain girl you know and her curves, simply say that you've some exclusive information about her. If they ask you, how, just put up a 'straight' face and tell them she confides in you more than any of them.

Faking interest is an art. You can perfect it only after several months if not years of practice. The first step to faking interest is to know that it's all about your facial expressions, eye contact, body language and using every possible tool at your disposal that will make it believable. The best way to start off faking interest is to start watching a rather boring TV show with a friend or a family member. Chances are, that if you manage to fake 'genuine' interest in the show, they'll either ask you to change the channel or say 'Why in God's name are you watching this'? When they do ask you that, just say "Sshhh, this is really interesting." If they ask you this, be rest assured that you're on the road to success as a 'genuine' faker. :) Remember, practice makes a man perfect. So, go on doing this until you become immune to the utter nonsense playing on TV.

The next step is to master eye contact. When someone is speaking something you care two hoots about, look into the eyes of the speaker for some time and then look around. Looking too intently at the speaker may well convince the speaker that you're some kind of a weird psychopath. On the other hand, if you don't look at him/her at all, that'll be dead give away that you're not interested. Equally important is your body language. Try to suppress your sighs and yawns. Those are give-aways too. Rest your cheek on your hand and nod your head every once in a while to show that you're actually 'listening' to what's being said. It's also a good thing to throw in some words like 'Really?', or 'Oh I see', or 'Hmmm'. Try using neutral words as far as possible. Avoid using sentences like - "I agree / disagree" or "That's a good point" which will entail that you participate in the discussion as well which you really do not want.

When the going gets too tough, its time to take out the last arrow from the quiver. When all the above technique fails, you've to find a creative way to excuse yourself. In today's world of communications, a call on your cell phone is the best way to leave causing the least heartburn. While the speaker is blabbering away, text a close friend to call you and when s/he does, pick up the call and dash to the nearest exit. After exactly five minutes, come back and say to the group that you've to rush as something came up. People wouldn't mind letting you go. The other way is to excuse yourself to the restroom and then take a detour from there never to return. You can later explain to the group that you left because you met an old school friend or became sick. This may work out really well if you're a part of a larger group of people hanging out together. You can find really interesting ways to make this last recourse seem as plausible as possible. Just remember, we don't really hate the person in question. He may be a close friend but we genuinely don't care about what he may be talking about. :)

Of friends in 'Pardes'

I have tried hard to reach out and make some local friends here in Denver ever since I landed here in May 2009. I have created profiles on Adam4Adam, Manhunt and other US equivalents of Planet Romeo. I have even tried posting ads on the uber-famous Craigslist asking for friends. The efforts, though temporarily fruitful have not succeeded in the long run. I had got a few replies and even met a couple of people during my initial days in Denver. But within a few weeks, these folks disappeared into thin air. No amount of calls, emails or voice mails compelled any of them to give me a call back. The only people who lingered were a couple of 'desi' guys whom I had known from before. Anyway, this experience with the local guys didn't really encourage me to try and again reach out to them. I had been to a few local gay clubs but soon found out that if you are from an ethnic minority, the local people either treat you as an alien or 'exotic'. I didn't wish to be treated as either. Apparently, the gay fauna in cities like NYC, LA, SFO and other big cities is a tad better. However, as luck would have it, I am at neither of these places. :-(

After months of procrastinating the thought of actually finding some friends, albeit 'desi', here in US, I finally floated an email on one of the Yahoo groups that I am a member of, a couple of weeks ago. Ever since then, I have received a steady stream of replies, some from USA and some even from Britain and India. It has been good so far and most of the replies have been quite sensible, not the usual 'my stats, your stats' kind of email. There are a couple of guys from California, one person from New York and one person from North Carolina. They are all desis and probably that is why, I have been able to connect to them rather effortlessly. We may be from different Indian ethnicities, but the underlying fact that all of us are 'desis' at the end of the day, binds us in some kind of an unseen bond.

It's been a pleasure talking to them on phone or on chat. I have planned a trip to Los Angeles to meet one of them during Thanksgiving and later, during New Year, I may even drop into New York to meet the New Yorker. I am hoping that finally I will finally have a good friend circle here in 'Pardes' as well. :-) Wish me luck!

21 days in India!

After roughly 14 months on foreign soil, when I decided to go back to India for a three week vacation, I was filled with a sense of anticipation and excitement. Anticipation because I was to meet a few people whom I was in touch with over the year; excitement at the thought of being able to savor the sights, sounds and more importantly the flavors of India once again. I was seriously longing for the roadside 'phuchka', the 'Chicken Roll', the 'Ilish Paturi' and countless other dishes.

My trip happened at the height of the monsoon season in India. As my Lufthansa flight glided down after a long 17 hour journey on the tarmac of the Mumbai airport, I couldn't wait to go out and breathe the moisture laden air. My Dad had come to pick me up at the airport. It was around 1:30 AM in the morning. It was drizzling lightly and by the time I reached home, I just couldn't seem to get enough of the Mumbai monsoons. And Mumbai didn't disappoint me at all. The next day, I checked out the spanking new Bandra-Worli sea link which is, I am sorry to say, a major letdown. Notwithstanding the engineering marvel, it's disappointing because you can hardly see Mumbai's skyline while driving down on it. Next stops were the Mahalaxmi and Siddhivinayak temples. My roller coaster ride in India had just begun.

Over the next weekend, we drove to Pune. We had to drive through almost pouring rain. At some points on the Ghats, we could hardly see what's ahead of our car. Nevertheless, the journey was enjoyable. The entire stretch of the expressway from Panvel upto Talegaon was lush green, numerous small waterfalls sprung out of nowhere, people had stopped their vehicles and were enjoying a quick shower under them. That must have been fun. After a brief stop over in Pune, which involved some official work, a jaunt to our office @ Hinjewadi, buying fish from Sus Road and a sumptuous Maharashtrian lunch at Naivedyam on Karve Road, we left for Mumbai around 3 PM and were back home by around 7:30 PM.

On Monday, 26th July, I, for the second time in my life went under the surgeon's scalpel. The first one had been when I was 8 years old and that was to make me 'Jewish' ;-). I had no clue at that time what that meant. If I had known, I probably wouldn't have gone for it. Anyway, this time around, the decision was purely voluntary. After a tedious 8 hour operation, I finally got back home.

The next two days were anything but comfortable. While I was confined to home, because of the pouring Mumbai rains outside, the surgery itself left me a little numb and uncomfortable. However, I had already booked tickets for my next stop which was the city of my origin - Calcutta.

Calcutta - the city is not really one of my favorites when it comes to living there. However, it never fails to amaze me. I was supposed to spend 4 days in Calcutta, with a one day lay over at Midnapore, which is my 'Mamar bari'. But I had to extend my stay by one more day because my visit wouldn't have been complete if I hadn't met all of my countless relatives and attended the grand luncheons and dinners organized in honour of the 'NRI'. :P Anyway, my visit to Kolkata was spent in the company of my relatives and indulging in gastronomic delights. Bhajahari Manna @ Hindustan Road, Kwality @ Park Street, Marco Polo on Sarat Bose Road - these are some of the places we had food. The food, kya kehna! :-) Lajawaab. Apart from these rather fancy places, I also gorged on Phuchka and Chicken Roll. Calcutta's roadside food is sheer bliss. It does away with your hunger but more than that, it also fulfills your soul. :-)

I met one guy in Calcutta with whom I had been chatting since September 2009. Let's call him 'S'. I met 'S' at Dumdum Metro station and we took a cab ride from there to Esplanade. We sat for a while at Blue and Beyond opposite the famous Hogg's Market or New Market in colloquial terms. It was drizzling lightly. The guy is perhaps one of the very few guys in Calcutta, I have actually met and liked. We drank a few beers and talked about the gay scene in Calcutta which according to him left much to be desired. I told him about the scene in Denver / US and he seemed totally excited listening to it. It was an evening well spent.

Next evening, I took the flight back to Mumbai.

On 2nd August, I finally left for Pune where my friends were eagerly expecting me. I landed up in Pune pretty late in the evening around 8 PM. Initially, I put up at this friend's place at Wakad. I have a history with this guy, which made living over at his place a little weird, especially when I came to know that he had a 'boyfriend' even though he never acknowledged that. What made me even more uncomfortable was that he had been flirting with me throughout the past one year. Moreover, his place was light years away from the actual Pune city where all the action was. On 3rd August, I made a trip to office once again, this time to catch up with my team mates. That day, well spent, I moved to a hotel on Ghole Road in Deccan on 4th August afternoon.

Over the next three days, I met a four more guys from Pune with whom I had been in touch through the past one year. It was nice meeting them. I also caught up with my old buddies from work, some old chums who were among my very first friends in Pune. As for sex, it happened with some of them and it was great! My 'dry' spell of the preceding 9 months had been broken. :-) Since, my birthday was round the corner, I called few of my very close friends to a dinner at the hotel where I was put up. We had a great dinner. I was supposed to leave Pune for Mumbai on 7th but decided to postpone by one day. As for how I ushered in my birthday on 8th, it was quite a lonely night, with me alone in the hotel. The only silver lining was that I probably became a little mature by realizing that it's not always what it seems and we have to be utterly careful when it comes to dealing with matters of the heart. Hopefully, this lesson will remain with me for a long time to come and stop me from committing the same mistakes all over again!

I returned to Mumbai on 8th evening. My flight back to Denver was on 9th August post midnight. The 9th was spent packing my stuff and getting everything in place. At 11:30 at night, my folks dropped me off at Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport and I bid them farewell for now. As I waited in the lounge for the flight to take off after all the formalities, the entire vacation flashed before my eyes. It was indeed a great trip. It made me happy, it made me sad, it gave me everlasting memories and some which I wish I could forget. But, I guess, that's what my life has always been all about. A little of this, a little of that! That's what makes me so FA-BU-LOUS.

Is there an end to this madness?

I have been thinking about coming back to the blogosphere for quite some time now. After I came to USA, honestly, I have been either too busy or simply too lethargic to take to the virtual pen again! Anyway, being in the USA for a little over a year now, I have been constantly amazed by how this nation works. It is by no means an overstatement if I say that the oldest democracy in the world through innumerable sacrifices, mistakes, determination and sheer hard work has achieved its rightful place in the modern world where it is today.

Now, let me bring to you another picture. I am from the biggest democracy in the world - India - a land which traces its history to beyond 5000 years (at least historically). India has endured in its past several challenges and yet has managed to somehow preserve its culture and its globally accepted plural character. Not going into any controversy, not going into any long drawn effort to prove or disprove its plural character, I just have few questions to all fellow Indians who may be reading this. I by no means claim to be a historian or even an intellectual but still I feel compelled to give words to my thoughts as they bother me everyday.

India is a country of over 1.2 billion people - majority Hindus (or one of its bewildering number of sects) followed by the minorities Muslims, Sikhs, Christians, Jains, Buddhists and others. Probably everyone knows the history by which we achieved independence from our colonial masters mostly through non-violent means. Yet, the price that we paid for that independence by virtue of partition continues to haunt us even today - viz. the complex socio-political Hindu-Muslim equation. Whereas it can be said that the two communities have lived peacefully in this ancient land since millenia, it cannot also be denied that their entire co-existence in modern India has been punctuated by unfortunate (sometimes religiously and sometimes politically motivated) events which have left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. No one can disregard the horrendous carnages that took place during the partition or the subsequent riots that have taken place at various times in the last 63 years. However, even after all of this blood spill and mayhem, India has managed to survive. This is because of the good sense that prevails amongst the majority of the population irrespective of religion. You may be wondering why I am suddenly writing about this issue out of the blue. The reason - the recent Ayodhya verdict. While I accept the verdict with all humility, I am skeptical of the far reaching effects that this verdict may have on our nation.

I am a Hindu. I go to temples (on occasions), ponder over the great spiritual discourses that are hidden in the Gita, love the fascinating stories of Ramayana and Mahabharata and by the way I do believe that they are true historical events, do the occasional teerth yatra, enjoy the Pujas (more so maybe because I belong to Kolkata and Durga Puja is not merely a religious festival, it is a cultural festival as well). Still, I am not satisfied with what the verdict has been even though I agree that this middle path may be the least objectionable one. Mind you, I am not saying 'acceptable to everyone'. Let me elaborate further.

The court case that was decided upon is merely a case to decide who owns the title of the land and as we all know that case has been going on for the last six decades. Even though the case may be to simply decide on the title suit, the emotions involved with it are by no means simplistic. Since two religions are involved, it has more or less become a test of pride for at least a section of both Hindus and Muslims. Theories and counter-theories, proofs and counter-proofs have apparently been presented to the court to decide on this matter. Both the parties claim to have evidence which proves their unequivocal right over the land. The case is also complicated by bringing in the fact that certain Hindu right wing groups and parties have used this issue to garner support amongst the population by claiming to be the protector of 'Dharma' or by advocating the correction of historical wrong-doings of Islamic invaders and rulers (viz. demolition of various temples) at various times in Indian history. Similary, some Muslim clerics and groups have tried to portray this suit as another proof that a Hindu India is trying to subjugate the Muslims. Add to this, the absolutely deplorable act of razing the Babri Mosque (while the title suit was still in the court) and you have a potential mixture for a time bomb that is ticking away. This time bomb can however be defused before its horrific consequences unfold only if, we as Indians show the courage, prudence and maturity to do so. Religious beliefs and historical facts are open to interpretation but we cannot turn a blind eye to the events of that particular day in December of 1992 when 'secular' India was challenged more than ever before. That happened right before our own eyes (I was 12 at that time) and we all know what the aftermath was. Thousands were butchered and yet the same people who planned this macabre act are allowed to flourish and continue to rule the roost. This is absolutely pathetic. After the events of 1992-93, the civil suit for the land became intertwined with the criminal suit of the demolition. These can no longer be seen as not inter-related. I am now stating something potentially controversial - The verdict would have made much more sense if the Mosque had still stood in its place and the court had given this ruling. Because in that case, if the litigating parties had accepted this verdict, the re-structuring of the disputed land as suggested by the 1/3rd formula would have had legal sanction and general approval of the parties in concern and the public in general. However, this scenario seems very unlikely. Even if the Mosque would not have been demolished, I am sure the two parties would have moved the Supreme Court because of the 'Pride' factor.

But, since the Mosque was demolished, this verdict seems to send out a signal that the demolition has indirectly been vindicated. This is because, as I stated earlier, had the mosque existed even today and the contending parties had accepted this verdict as final, the demolition / restructuring would have happened anyway. The verdict apparently uses 'belief' as a parameter in determining where Ram was born thereby awarding a portion of the said land to the Hindus. Many legal experts have raised questions on this aspect. I am not aware of the law or legality of the verdict but I can understand that if belief is the cornerstone in a certain case then that sets a dangerous precedence in the long run. One day, suddenly you'll find people filing civil suits against each other simply because they 'believe' in something which may be contrary to what the opposing party 'believes' in.

The verdict is going to be challenged in the Supreme court by both the parties so that they can gain complete control of the land and not 1/3rd as prescribed by the High court. Probably another 60 years would have passed before that verdict is delivered but in the meantime can we at least punish those people with exemplary punishment who instigated the mobs to bring down the Mosque? Can they be made accountable for their actions? If law is supposed to be above everyone else, can they be made to kneel in front of it and ask for forgiveness?

Those who sympathize or support these leaders - I have a question for you. Five hundred years ago, when the temple was demolished for the mosque, if you had the power to convict Babur / his general would you not have done so? Would you not have singed your teeth in anger if you had seen your beloved grand temple being razed to the ground? Probably yes. Would you be able to do something? Probably not. Because at that time you could do nothing even if you wanted to. That was medieval feudal India. But fortunately, this is 'new' India - a phrase that seems to be the hot favorite on TV these days. The demolition happened in our life time and now we do have the power (via the law) to correct this wrong-doing. We need to do that. I hope we can at least do that. We urgently need to mobilize public support to push for the early and just conviction of those people who challenged the very fundamental principles on the basis of which this republic was established. Let this not be another case in the proverbial 'slow cooker' in which by the time the verdict comes, most of the accused are either infirm or dead. An early conviction of all the accused will be the best thing that we as a nation can strive for. That will rebuild the trust deficit between the communities an overwhelming majority of whom just want to carry on with their normal lives without looking at each other through a prism of suspicion. Let historical wrongs not dictate our present polity anymore. Twenty first century India cannot be held hostage to the demolition of a temple in sixteenth century India.

I don't know what the Supreme court will decide or who will get the final title deed. But I believe that peaceful co-existence needs to be driven so deep in our collective psyche that no matter what happens we always stay united and together. I have faith in our judiciary which has shown exceptional courage and farsightedness in many past judgments that it will consider all the issues impartially, based on evidential proof and legally before arriving at a conclusion. If you ask me, I personally think that we would do our nation a great service if we build a hospital or some other such public institution at the site which is beneficial to one and all. On the other hand, if we have to build a temple and a mosque side by side at that site, then let us make sure that the bricks used in the construction of those structures bear the names of all those unfortunate Hindus and Muslims who perished in the communal riots in 1992-93. Let there be a 'Kar Seva' by the families of those who were killed. Let the Muslim families contribute and toil in building a modest temple and let the Hindu families do likewise in building the mosque. In between the two structures let there be a plaque with the pledge that we will not be divided any further.

I started by saying that I admire America for many reasons. One reason is that the site of the World Trade Center is being rebuilt even to this day and even after recent controversies it will still have the names of all the people (of all religions) who died in the horrific 9/11 attacks. It will be a reminder to all American people and to the world to strive to live in harmony.

Denver's fabulous!

Yes, it finally happened. After waiting for a ridiculously long time, I set my foot on Amreeka'n soil on 10th May 2009. The place is Denver, Colorado also called the Mile High City. It gets such a name because it is roughly a mile high above mean sea level. :) It's got the Rocky Mountains towards the west and from what I have seen, some of the higher peaks are still covered with snow in May, :) and apparently its summer time here. :D

I am here for work basically and so far it's been quite ok. The team I am working with is good and they are really sweet and helpful. I am put up with a colleague but I would probably move into my own studio apartment by August. One of the things that I find really unique about this place is the weather. Some of the days it gets really hot even to the point of sweating it out - like 30C and some days it gets cold with the maximum being just about 15C. :) The people are friendly and they smile at you even though you are a complete stranger to them. Like just today, I was waiting at this bus stop and there was a really cute guy sitting next to me and he started a conversation - asking me my name, where I was from, what do I do and likes. He was really cute and had blue eyes, and a whole lot of piercings. One of the piercings was on his lower lip. Ouch, that must have hurt, I thought to myself when I saw it. But he was really sweet, I even suspected he could be gay coz he appreciated my eyes. :P

Anyway, somebody I know in the US had told me about this classified ad portal called 'Craiglist'. I honestly do want to have friends here out of my work place coz it gets a tad boring to hang out with your colleagues all the while especially when they are married or straight and all they can talk about is either baseball, basketball or women. :P I seriously do want to have a set of gay friends here whom I could hang out with, go out to dinner with, go out shopping, or maybe head out to the nearest gay bar and dance the night away. And it seems to me that I have found some really great people.

I put an ad in Craiglist asking for purely platonic friends and got three responses so far. One of them was an Indian - Tamil guy to be precise called Arun. He is a really sweet guy and although he is married, he is still very much into the gay scene. I met him last weekend and he told me a lot about the gay scene in Denver - like the bars, the clubs, the bathhouses and the likes. He told me pretty interesting anecdotes about his 4 years in Denver.

The second guy's name is Greg. He is a nice guy too, probably in his mid thirties. Likes to talk a lot. I met him yesterday and we drove to a gay bar called JR. It's a cute little place near Downtown and it's a very comfortable environment. We spent roughly two hours there and he was telling me about his life, his family, his work and everything in between. We had a good time together and he was sweet enough to drop me home as well.

The third guy's name is Nathan, though he likes to be called Nate. I met him at a mall today evening. He is a really amazing guy and I had a great time with him. We went to a coffee shop at first and then drove around for some time before coming to JR. He introduced me to his good friend Steve. We talked a lot about his life, my life, about India, about food, about dance, about pets, about his relationship, about my crushes. It felt really nice to be with him and every now and then he would ask me if I was comfortable. I think that was really sweet of him. We decided to meet up again soon midweek probably for dinner and then over the coming weekend when his sister would join us too for something fun - maybe hitting one of the dance bars. :)

So, it's been good so far and I really hope that they find me worth their friendship coz I really need them to be around. I am looking forward to hanging out with these guys more and more so that I get to know them better and eventually be great friends with them.

I also decided to explore the city on my own. So, I also took my first suburban train from Downtown to Lincoln and back where I live. It was a fabulous experience. Its really amazing how well connected the different parts of the city are and you can practically reach anywhere without any hassle. As you begin to leave the main town for the suburbs the scenery changes and its all mountains and green meadows all around. It looks awesome. :)

Tomorrow, I am going out with colleagues to the nearby mountains. There are two places that we are going to - Caves of the Winds and Garden of the Gods. I am really excited about that, can't wait to take some fab photos and post them online. This will be my first trip in the US. :)

When I was taking the flight to US from India, I was kinda sad coz I was leaving all my friends and family back there. But now, I think it'll be a good experience for me and it'll help me in my growth as a person. After all, life is all about learning new things and making new friends.

I wanna do him!

I have a bad habit! :-) Whenever I see a cute guy, say while walking on the street or even in my office for that matter, I immediately try to mentally strip him down and have my way with him. I wish, if only I could make out with at least 99% of them! Wow, just imagine that hottie I see everyday, in his bikini brief, staring at me with his piercing eyes, almost waiting to pounce on me....I'm not even gonna finish that sentence! I'm just gonna have a happy party in my head.

I was talking to this guy the other who is working in the same firm as I am. Presently he is posted in the US. He told me the only reason that he hasn't contemplated leaving the company for greener pastures is because, our company supposedly has the best eye candy! Now, that's a unique reason, ain't it? So, you see, I have every reason to believe that I am i good company!

There are actually about half a dozen guys (some in my office and some chat friends) who are on my to-do list. I don't really know them personally or havn't met them. Yet, when I bump into them at office, sly glances are exchanged and sometimes smiles too. While chatting online with the rest, I just imagine myself to be with them and have a happy party in my head!

So, here's my to-do list for you all. :-)

1. There is this really good looking guy in my office who is a stunner in all respects. Tall, well shaped, impeccably well dressed and a killer smile. Every time I see him, I go weak in my knees. I would love to be in his arms. Sometimes I wish, if only I could just fake a fall from the stairs when he would be around and he would rush to hold me in his arms! Wow, wouldn't that just be awesome?

2. There is another one in my office, who has droopy eyes and a lean frame, almost seems that he is hungry to make love - that one is the second in my to-do list. He seems to be a little hairy but seems really well endowed! I caught a glimpse of his thing in the rest room once. LOL.

3. The third one is also from my work place. He is cute-as-hell, with long eyelashes, a dazzling smile and an utterly delicious behind! There have been so many instances where he has caught me staring at him and I have turned crimson red!

4. The fourth one is a guy from Goregaon. He has been away from Mumbai for some time now because of an assignment in Bangalore. He is hot as hell and apart from that he is a gem of a person too!

5. The fifth one is a Punjabi guy from Chembur. I came across him just a few days ago accidentally and we have had quite a few chat sessions ever since. He is totally my kinda guy. Good looking, adventurous, level headed, smooth talker and is passionate about sex. :-) Hope to meet him soon.

6. The sixth one is a guy from Mahim. He has a killer body. I would so like to melt away in his arms even if it just for once.

There are a few more but I think they have become rather insignificant with time. I so wish that my to-do list translates into some real action soon! The guys from office, well, could be beyond my reach but I surely want to make it really special for the other three.Let me keep my fingers crossed! :-)

I wish to be reborn...

I wish to be reborn...

As a 'normal' guy,

Perhaps, life would be a lot easier.

And not so dry.

They say I'm abnormal.

I wonder, am I?

Why does it matter to me?

Why does it make me cry?

Why do I care so much...

About what the world says?

Why is it so hard to find...

The nights of my endless days?

Why am I born this way?

Is it a curse that haunts me?

Is it a bane of a misdeed?

Or a way in which life taunts me?

I've heard love exists everywhere.

Then, why is it hard to find?

Is it because I am not worth it,

Or because I am simply blind?

They say 'our' life is unnatural,

It would lead us nowhere.

It's a story of looks and lust,

Of loneliness and despair.

I've still not found love,

Not found the ONE.

Yet, I've not given up,

My work's still not done.

They tell me to get married,

To some hapless poor girl.

Why, on earth should I do that,

And let myself ruin her world?

Yet, I don't have the courage

To live lonely till I die,

Perhaps, I have to become a ruthless man

And cover up the truth with a lie.

I pray to God to show me the way,

So that I don't hurt anyone.

But more so, I pray for myself,

So that I can find that someone.

I don't have much time in hand,

To decide what's good for me.

A lie, a compromise, a dual life?

Or a life of love forever to be?

Even if I find love,

How do I know it'll stay forever?

Maybe it'll wither away too

Just like a bunch of roses together.

Oh lord, make me find my love

And make it last till I die,

Give me the wisdom and the courage

To make it worth the try.

I give myself this chance,

To try and find a reason to live,

Before I resign to destiny,

Let me spend as much love as I can give.

Pass on the flame...

As a child, I remember that I used to sit quietly and watch my granny do the daily puja in the “Pujor Ghor” every morning. She would chant holy prayers, decorate the images and idols with flowers and garlands and apply sandalwood paste on them. She would then bathe the Shiv Ling with water and milk. She would then do a small ‘aarti’ and finally blow the conch shell to signal the end of the ritual. This was the routine every morning. It used to take about an hour and half to complete the pujo!

It was from that time that I seemed to be drawn towards spirituality and our holy books. I used to buy small images of various gods and goddesses and keep them with me. I also got to read the Puranas, the Ramayana and the Mahabharat during the summer holidays. Upendrakishore Roychowdhury, the grandfather of legendary film maker Satyajit Ray has written wonderful books for children which contain detailed accounts from all the holy scriptures. They were written for children, yet they were fantastically detailed and used to fill me with an ethereal sense of happiness and profound knowledge.

I read through Ramayana and Mahabharat almost one after the other. In fact, I was reading the Mahabharat while the television series was still being telecast. But somehow, even at that small age, I found Mahabharat enormously more interesting than Ramayana.

Ramayana is a good story nevertheless, it has a lot to teach us but somehow I didn’t find the character of Rama to be as glorious as it is portrayed. I somehow couldn’t digest the way Rama treated Seeta and sent her away to the forest just to allay doubts of a lone washer man about her chastity and character. Though, many pundits have come up with remarkable explanations for this act, I still do not find any semblance of logic behind such a harsh step. Another incident which raises questions in my mind is the time when Seeta after being rescued from Ravana is asked by Rama to step into the holy pyre to prove her chastity. I somehow couldn’t and probably still can’t find any reason behind these acts of Rama.

An interesting story that I had learnt later was that before leaving for Panchavati, Rama had asked the Fire God, Agni to keep the ‘original’ Seeta under his protection. The 'Seeta' who went with Rama and Lakshman to the forest was just a ‘reflection’ of the original Seeta. So, when ‘this’ Seeta was rescued from the evil Ravana, through the holy pyre, the Fire God merely returned the original Seeta back to Rama. Nice story! But somehow it seems that it has only been cooked up only to prove that Rama could never do anything wrong to anyone. I am not saying that Rama does not deserve to be called great, I only wish that he could have been a little more human and not so 'divine'.

Getting to Mahabharat, the story is a marvelous piece. It has dealt with every human emotion in a way that no other book has, or ever will. Right from the marriage of King Shantanu to Ganga to Yudhisthir’s entry into heaven, the story is a fantastic tapestry of happiness, sorrow, success, defeat, avarice, enmity, envy and most importantly eternal knowledge. Knowledge - which is so profound that it remains relevant to this very day even after thousands of years. When I read the story for the first time, I was fascinated to know that the writer Ved Vyas himself is part of the story. He makes several appearances throughout the entire narrative – the most important aspect being that he is the biological father of Dhritarashtra and Pandu, whose sons the Kauravas and the Pandavas fought each other in the bloody battle of Kurukshetra. He makes an appearance once again much later and warns Draupadi to ‘take care’ of her hair as a subtle warning of her impending disrobing in the Kuru Sabha!

There are so many characters and incidents to talk about from the Mahabharat but the few characters that have had a lasting impact on me are Draupadi, Arjuna and Krsna!

Draupadi is perhaps the only woman in Indian mythology who chose to live life by her own standards and refused to be treated as an object. When she is dragged to court in order to be humiliated, she questions each of her five husbands about her plight. None of them can answer her questions. She takes a vow not to tie her hair unless the blood of Dushyasan is brought to her to wash off her humiliation. Draupadi is fiery, she is the epitome of womanhood. She proves her fiery nature when she asks Bheem to kill Keechak, the brother-in-law of the King of Viraat, for being lusty towards her. She proves that it is a woman who can either make or break a family, an entire race or a community. She proves without a shred of doubt that societies or people who do not respect women as equals are doomed for utter destruction.

The unique chemistry between Arjuna and Krsna is delightful. They are friends and yet Arjuna regards Krsna as his Guru. When Arjuna’s mind is restless just before the great war, he asks Krsna for guidance and thereby we receive from Krsna the teachings of Geeta! Geeta is not just a book, it is a way of life. It exhorts every human being to strive to be free from 'Maya' - the all pervading film of foolish emotions which baffles us everyday, to regard happiness and sorrow with the same feelings, to believe that death is inevitable and that it is not the end but a new beginning, to believe in doing one's own Karma and not to worry about the results, to strive to achieve salvation and getting rid of the cycles of birth, misery and death. It's a wonderful song that gives us enough to ponder and act on for the rest of our lives.

There are many small stories and parables in Mahabharat from which we can learn a lot. I sometimes feel very glad and proud that we as a generation have grown up seeing the Ramayana and the Mahabharat on TV. We may not know the inherent meaning of everything in the great epics but at least we do know the stories themselves. I do feel pity for the children of today. They are perpetually surrounded by computers and gadgets and are gradually turning into mechanized beings. They would probably never get to know about these wonderful stories from our past in as much detail or with as much attention as we did. Who could have ever imagined that kids of today would have to learn about HanuMan through a cartoon? And for many of them, he is not even a form of God anymore, he is just a superhero like SpiderMan or SuperMan. :-) But I guess, times have changed a lot. Kids have so many options for entertainment now that we cannot expect them to sit through over 100 episodes of Ramayana and Mahabharat. May be cartoons are the only way out! I just wish that the young parents of today would at least find some time in educating their kids by telling them stories from these wonderful epics from time to time. Maybe that's how our scriptures will pass on to the coming generations and fill their lives with eternal knowledge and bliss.

I won. Thank you!

I talked yesterday about a funny incident the night before “Bou bhaat”. Here goes…

There we were all the cousins (boys and girls) including the bride and the groom, atop the roof very late at night. A few of us were drinking and all of us were generally talking about everything under the sun. The topic of discussion veered from one subject to another before it ultimately came to our childhood and adolescence. Yes, the good old happy-go-lucky times! The groom embarrassed me to bits when he declared that it was ‘yours truly’ who had introduced him and his younger bro to the big bad world of porn! (Albeit straight, but porn nevertheless! :-)) Well, I have no regrets about that. It’s all a part of growing up. We yapped and yapped. About this and about that. 

The topic of discussion was still related to our growing up years. The groom suddenly asked an open question to all – “So, what’s the maximum no. of times you have beaten off in a day?” Without realizing what I was getting myself into, I declared, seven. Winks. Well, to be true, I really don’t remember. It’s not something that is worth the effort of remembering. So, as far as I am concerned, it was just another random number. It would also be safe to say that since I was the eldest among the lot I was kinda hoping that the younger flock would certainly go much beyond seven. But to my utter horror and embarrassment, I found that I have won the epithet of “Shag-guru” hands down!!! A younger cousin who is 17 said thrice, some other said twice, some other said four times, someone said five. But that’s it. My cheeks turned crimson when they started doing the elaborate “bowing down with their hands help up” ritual for me and all this happened in the presence of the girls who were giggling away to glory.  :-) :-)

After all this happened, even the gal pal of my cousin (who had flown down from Mangalore for the wedding) remarked that we were really cool to have actually discussed all that without even a trace of awkwardness (or so she thought!) :-) So, I guess it was OK. It all happened in good spirit and everyone enjoyed it. Though, I fear that the next time, I go to Kolkata and I meet those cousins, they may start doing the bowing down ritual all over again! I hope they have forgotten all about it by now. LOL. 

The Big Fat Bong Wedding

I spent the latter half of April in sultry, sweaty and oh-so-terribly-hot-that-I-hated-it Kolkata. Now if you have read my previous posts, you must know already that I have spent a good part of my childhood and adolescence in good ol’ City of Joy. Though I would say that Kolkata in those days was quite different from what it has become now. Or maybe, it was all the same, I was not aware of it. Anyway, whatever the case may be, Kolkata is awful in summers. Period.

The occasion I was in Kolkata for, was my cousin’s wedding. He is a convent school educated bloke who’s so utterly cool that I love him for that. Everything that he says, he does, exudes a special warmth which makes him so very adorable. He married the love of his life after a few years’ (or so I know) of courtship. The bride is a sweetheart. She is one of the most down to earth and effervescent Bong girl that I have met in a long time.

Now, just to digress a little, I tend to find Bong girls a bit too whiny and pretentious not to mention their tendency to become obese! Before you know, the school girl has metamorphosed into the “bhodro mohila”. Eww. There were quite a handful of them in my class in school and I was friends with a quite a few. In fact if you go through my “slam book” from school, you will more entries by Bong girls than anybody else. But even after all that, my outlook towards them remained all the same. They were just too “makey”. I know some of you may differ, some will say that all girls are like that, some will actually bay for my blood after reading this but anyway, as far as I am concerned, I have rarely come across a level headed Bong girl who can even begin to equal Sushmita (The Sen). J Yes, that’s my benchmark as far as Bong girls are concerned. :-)

So, there we were in Kolkata for the wedding. My aunt gave me a lovely “tusser” kurta, the color was a variation of blue, the fabric soft and silky. This was the first time, I was actually supposed to wear an Indian ensemble, complete with “dhoti” and “mojris” and believe me, God knows, I squirm even at the thought of wearing anything ethnic. Anyway, somehow, I convinced myself to wear that. So far so good. But the moment I stepped outside the house, I was sweating like a dog. The heat was unbearable and so was the humidity. It was a recipe for disaster. The wedding was solemnized in an air-conditioned venue, so the discomfort was alleviated a bit. But through the night, I couldn’t close my eyelids even for a minute (after returning from the venue to the bride’s place) because the fabric didn’t let any breeze pass through it and all the gang stayed wide awake “maaroing adda” to the hilt at the top of their voices. By the time morning dawned and we were ready for the “bidaai” I had almost gone crazy with the heat! I swore that I would stay clear of ethnic even if the world was coming to an end. And I would try to avoid visiting Kolkata in the summers as much as the plague.

The “Bou bhaat” (at Midnapore) was a nice affair. Even though the heat was unbearable again, the open air garden attached to the venue provided the much needed relief amidst welcoming the guests and keeping a tab on the received gifts et al. A special thing that I would like to mention is about the “Santhal” dancers who had come all the way from Jhargram to entertain the guests with their tribal dance that has been made so famous worldwide. Thanks to Satyajit Ray’s Agantuk. Their music, the drumbeats, the cymbals, their songs, their synchronized steps, their red-bordered cotton sarees, the flowers in their hair and the traditional tribal ornaments were oh-so-fabulous. Many of the ladies of the household including the bride joined hands with the dancers much akin to Mamata Shankar in Agantuk. It was such a splendid Kodak moment. :-)

The second "more Western" reception was in Kolkata. The venue was awesome. It was at the army territorial headquarters in Kolkata. It was air-conditioned. It had a huge garden which was deliciously decorated. And to everyone’s relief, there was a pleasant southerly breeze which was blowing. This was by far the best reception that I have ever attended.

So ended, the wedding trip to Kolkata. Amidst all the heat and discomfort, I had a deliciously fabulous time over the ten days. The wedding itself was divine and it’s memory is going to stay fresh for a long time to come. I was back in Mumbai before my folks returned because I was supposed to join office at Pune. Even as I was returning to Pune, I was going through the photos that I had clicked. The photos covered every single ceremony that happens in a Bengali wedding. I proudly shared the link to the Picasa album with my office folks. Most of them were seeing photos of a traditional Bengali wedding for the first time. I think what amused (or in some cases shocked) them the most was the sheer enormity of the fish head (“machher muro”) that is served to the bride on the day of the “Bou bhaat” over lunch. Many of my colleagues giggled when they saw the snap and asked me, “how on earth is she supposed to eat something as big as that?” I told them that it is just a custom and the bride just takes a few bites of it. Hopefully that convinced them. J I also hoped that the photos cleared many of the misconceptions that non-Bongs have about Bengali culture / weddings especially after seeing “that mockery of Bong culture” otherwise known as SLB’s Devdas.

I remember one particularly funny incident that happened the night before “Bou bhaat”. I will talk about that in my next post. :-)

Has she died or something? :-)

Yeah, people! I know I haven’t updated my blog since forever and I am not going to make up some cock and bull (no pun intended) story to justify that. It’s been pure and sheer laziness. I know that at least a few of you must have wondered like Miranda Priestly (from “The Devil Wears Prada”) – “Has (s)he died or something?” :-) But no, thanks to the Big Girl above, I have been good. Okay, I am not going to jinx that. I would rephrase that – I have been doing pretty ok. :-)

Even as I write this, I am wondering if any of the folks who have followed my blog earlier, will return to read it after such a long hiatus. Not that, I ever had a fan following or anything even remotely resembling that but I certainly hope that they have kept peeping into my blog every now and then to check whether I have updated it. Oh Lord, maybe they have stopped doing that, maybe they have given up on me. :-( There goes – I am my drama queen self again. J Anyways, let me hope that those readers will return and keep on reading my blog as also the new readers who will have read it for the first time. I promise that I will never do the “Houdini” trick again. :-)

Okay, so, now that I have kinda apologized for my long absence from the blogosphere, where do I start? It’s been seven long months since I last posted. So much has happened, so many things I want to write about, so many things that I want to let the world know. Mmmm, so, where to start?

Okay, decided.

Let me talk about life as it has been in general. Lots of things happening simultaneously – on the work front, on the dating front, on the sex front. Some good and some bad. Some satisfying, some disappointing. I know I am saying nothing “new”. That’s how life’s supposed to be. For me, for you, for everyone. Nevertheless, it’s been one tumultuous ride after all. So here goes…

What a cute ad!!!

Wow! What a cute ad!

Hurray!!! I am 'one' already!

This is funny! Straight men, give it a thought! LOL

Honey, let's get married...

Recently I have started picking up Mid Day (the tabloid published from Mumbai) on my way to work. It's a really good newspaper with loads of information, news, tips etc.

There's a particular section in it called "Dear Diana" which is basically an 'agony aunt' column though I have my doubts if we can call 'Diana' an aunt. She seems quite a young person.

Anyways, many people write to her with all kinds of problems - marital, love, sex, relationships etc etc etc. I happen to read the column everyday and I must admit that like most other 'normal' human beings, I do enjoy reading about other people's problems and even smiling at times. Some of the letters that are published are outright hilarious, some seem to be cock and bull stories, some make you think about the sorry state of the lives of the people who wrote them, some make you cringe when you try to imagine yourself in that person's shoes. Some people write about all kinds of ultra stupid stuff.

For example, a few days back I read a letter sent by some girl called 'M' from Mumbai. Here's the extract from her letter.

Dear Diana,

I am a 28 year old girl who is being compelled to get married but I have no choice. I am very scared of sex because I've heard that it's very painful. Is the pain bearable? Can we both live together without sex? I don't know what to do.

With due respect to the lady in question, I would tell her, honey, you are God's gift to gay guys like us. Please find more girls like you who are 'scared' of sex and want to get into a marriage but stay away from sex. Believe me dahling, you'll be regarded highly by us. Most gay guys are tormented by their families for getting married. If we can find a girl like you, it'll be great. I am not being insensitive here. You will be our greatest friend, our most favorite house'hag'. We can give you tips on make up, fashion. We won't criticize you for nothing, we wouldn't be cynical like the straight men. So please, ladies, please help us. You'll love us as your husbands.

Isn't this just wonderful, guys? Just think about the life where you can get married to a girl but don't have to have sex with her, mostly because she doesn't want it at all. :-) Wouldn't it be great to settle down finally like the so called 'normal' guys? If you're pestered to beget a child, no worries. Nowadays there are 101 options to get a child without ever having sex with your conjugal partner. Let's all pray that we find one such girl. :-)

The Great Indian 'Dysfuntional' family...

I have been staying away from my family for the last eight years now. I was brought up in Kolkata and completed my 12th from there. After that, I left them to pursue my graduation elsewhere. During graduation too, I hardly spent much time with them except on holidays. After graduation was over, I had hardly spent a month with them when again I had to pack my bags and join the company in which I am working currently.

I have been through a great deal over the last eight years. The past eight years have enriched my life in more ways than one. They have taught me to take care of myself. They have taught me to take care of my finances, to be able to choose between the right and wrong without any parental guidance, to be able to differentiate good people from the not so good without being told. It's been a learning experience all through. First in the college hostel - getting to interact with people from different regions / backgrounds having a varied range of tastes and likings. Later after my graduation was over, I have loved to stay on my own. I have begun to like the independence that I have been getting over these years.

It would not be an exaggeration to say that if now, I am expected to stay with my parents, I would be thinking twice before deciding to do that. You may be thinking that I am a moron. After all parents are the people who brought us up, who toiled hard to give us everything we wanted. They are the people who continue to shower unconditional love upon us to this day. They are our best friends. BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!

I agree. Nothing could be truer than this. But then in the Indian context, an Indian family not only consists of the parents and the kids but also the chacha, chachi, taau, taai, mama, mami, nana, nani, dada, daadi, bua and dozens of cousins. I experienced good as well as bad times growing up with the latter predominating most of the times...

But then, something changed somewhere. By the time I was 13, I started feeling distinctly different from the rest of my cousins / school mates. That was the 'awakening'. I had no idea what was happening to me. I was scared, I was confused but at the same time really excited about the possibility of exploring new unknown things on my own.

Fourteen years have passed and now I can say that I am happy with the way I have grown. I may not have had the best of fortune but I try not to regret anything that I have experienced over the years.

Most of us are quite happy with what life offers us, but suddenly one day, we hear that our parents are looking for some poor girl for us. Eww!!! This is where it starts to get on my nerves. Yet again! They fail to realize that it's our lives that they are talking about and we should be the ones to decide how we choose to live.

There's the father who thinks that his son is good for nothing and that he is always correct about every goddamn thing in the world. Well, honey, not this one! You say that you can tell a person by just looking at him/her. How come you have not noticed that your own son is "big flaming, feather-wearing, man-kissing, disco-dancing, Vermont-living, Christina Aguilera-loving, Mikanos going 'MO'?"

There's the mother who loves his son dearly but she is a tad confused about what she wants for him. She is torn between the son on the one hand and the husband on the other. If she tries to support her husband, the son walks out on her and vice versa. She is always in a soup. They may not see eye to eye on many things but join the chorus in unison when it comes to deciding their child's future. How unbearably pathetic!!! What they fail to realize that some poor girl's life could be ruined in the process.

And then, there's the extended family - the farty uncles, the bitchy aunts, the old hapless grand parents, the nosy cousins. They just need something to gossip about and they couldn't care less if things don't work out in the marriage that they are so excited about. They will come up with news of some NRI guy who came down, tied the knot and flew back with wifey the very next day. They will talk about some 'convent educated' working girl who is apparently very pretty!!! They will give you tips about how to impress girls. The cousins would pester you with questions like - "Do you have a girl friend? BLAH BLAH BLAH"

You can probably now understand why I don't consider it 'safe' to go back and stay with my parents. I don't want to end up getting married to a girl. I do want to get 'married' nevertheless, but to a guy who would love me and whom I would love! I really don't know what is in store for me. One of my younger cousins is getting married this year and I know for sure that after that I am gonna be pestered by my parents to start seeing girls. My God! Even the thought of it gives me goose pimples. Anyways, I just somehow wish that I am able to convince all of them that I am happy being single. And I just pray that somebody makes a pill that I can give to them so that they just forget about getting me married. Amen!

Unforgettable...

Unforgettable, thats what you are

Unforgettable though near or far

Like a song of love that clings to me

How the thought of you does things to me

Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable in every way

And forever more, thats how youll stay

Thats why, darling, its incredible

That someone so unforgettable

Thinks that I am unforgettable too...

Pujo in Kolkata

The Train...

This is one of my most favorite scenes of Satyajit Ray's many films. The film is the first part of a trilogy famous as the "Apu Trilogy".

This scene captures the inquisitiveness of two children about a train that crosses the fields. It is one of the most enchanting scenes ever filmed in Indian cinema.

...sealed with a kiss...

I woke up to the chirping of sparrows on the Deodar tree just outside his window. When I crawled out of the bed, he was still semi-asleep. I picked up my clothes and went to the bathroom. I looked into the mirror. I could see at least a dozen hickeys all over the upper half of my body. My head was feeling light but it was a great feeling. I brushed my teeth and then quickly answered nature's call. I took a shower and when I came out, I found him sitting awake on the bed.

He smiled at me and said "So, sweetheart, how was the night?" I replied..."I never wanted it to end..." He said "It'll never."

We met his mum at the breakfast table after he took a shower. I became very conscious of her presence and was trying my best to hide the obvious signs of our passionate love making. But as they say, God made women cleverer than men! She obviously saw the signs, laughed and said..."Jeet, you don't have to hide anything. I am happy that you have brought laughter back into my son's life after ages." I looked up at her, smiled and said..."Your son has made me the happiest too!"

The next one month went by in a jiffy. We used to meet every single day. We used to go off to nearby places on the weekends. We took a weekend getaway to Goa and made love on a moonlit night on the beach. We attended parties together and clearly everyone noticed us together. People used to hit on him all the time but he'd just say "I am already taken."

Things were going on as a perfect dream. I couldn't be any happier. I had finally found a reason to live, not to just exist.

May 12, 2006. He called me early in the morning and asked me about my plans for the evening. When I told him that I didn't have any plans, he promptly asked me for dinner. I agreed. We met at the same restaurant where we had met for the first time. Over dinner, I noticed that he was not speaking much. I asked him "What's the matter? Is anything wrong?". He smiled and said "Nothings wrong. But I have to tell you something." I asked him "What?" He was looking rather perturbed as he said "Remember, I had told you when we met, that I had applied to the University of Ohio while I was still in London." I said, "Oh, yes, I remember that, what about it?" He smiled and said "Well, they have wrote back to me and have offered me a full scholarship." I said "Wow, that's great! So, what are you planning to do? Are you going to take it?" He said "Well, I am really confused. I don't really know what to do. I can't leave you and go to America." I said "Come on, it's not that you'll be gone for a lifetime. Sooner than later, you're gonna be back, right?" He said "I don't know Jeet. What if I don't get to come back? Ever since Mom has heard about it, she told me that she would want to come along with me too. She wants to stay with my aunt who stays in Glens ville, FL."

Then it hit me. This guy could be gone in weeks. What am I going to do when he's gone? How am I going to live without seeing him everyday? How? Why did God give it to me and just take it away like that? Why? Why? Why?

A surge of emotions overwhelmed me. But, then I thought why should I stop him from pursuing his dreams? Why should I stop him from getting whatever he wants out of his life? So, I said "Hey, come on! I think that's a great idea. You should take aunt with you. She would be so lonely without you here anyway. Come on, cheer up! You must take this offer. This could be once in a lifetime opportunity. You could really reach for the stars. And if you think that I am going to disappear, that ain't happening mister!" I smiled "I am gonna be here waiting for you to come back. Who knows maybe in a year's time, I could end up being there too! So, hey, you're gonna reply back to them and tell them that you're gratefully accepting their scholarship."

The dinner ended but I could feel that he was restless. I tried to calm him. But it was becoming increasingly difficult for me too to stay calm. I was just not prepared for such a turn of events. It was not that we had broken off but the pangs of impending separation was too much to bear. It was late at night, when we started walking hand in hand on the Bandstand. We walked and walked without speaking a word. We sat on one of the benches there and soon both of us were crying. We were in each other's arms as tears trickled down our faces. We tried to console each other but the emotions were too much too control. The night ended thus...

June 2, 2006, Mumbai International Airport. We reached the airport well before time. Aunty was consoling me all the way telling me that she would make sure that he doesn't forget me. He was looking pale and sad. I was sad too that they were leaving. Leaving behind memories that would always remain with me. We whiled away some time in the lounge. Finally around 11 PM, the check in started. We hugged each other one final time. We both had tears in our eyes. He just wouldn't let me go. I finally had to push him off me and say "Go!" Aunty hugged me. She had tears in her eyes too. She blessed me and said..."Son, you'll always be happy."

As they walked down the airport lounge towards the check in counter, the airport music system began to play the old number...

Though, we gotta say goodbye for the summer...
Darlin' I promise you this...
I'll send you all my love, everyday in a letter...
Sealed with a kiss...

It's gonna be a cold lonely summer...
But I'll fill the emptiness...
I'll send you all my love, everyday in a letter...
Sealed with a kiss...

~CONCLUDED~

...the passion...

From all of my sadness, the tears that I've cried...
I have spent all of my life...
Waiting for tonight, when you'd be here in my arms
Waiting for tonight...

J Lo's melodious voice filled the air as I closed my eyes and started going over the events of the day! It had indeed been a dreamy night! A door clicked open and so did my eyes...and then I saw him...standing at the bathroom door, dripping wet in just a white towel. He had obviously taken a shower and had sprayed a sweet perfume which filled my senses with ecstasy! I watched him as he shook his head vigorously and his long hair sprayed a million droplets of water in all directions. As the water trickled down his head, to his neck, down his chest towards his navel...it evaporated! He was looking searing hot!

He had a mischievous smile on his face. He winked at me and came towards me. He was holding the towel with his hands around his waist! The water glistened on his smooth body! He came to me and shook his head again! The water from his head came down in a shower on me and I curled up in the bed. He fixed the towel in place and sat beside me. I could feel my breaths becoming faster and faster as he came close to me. His face was just inches away from mine. He looked into my eyes and I looked into his...and before I could close my eyes, his lips were locked with mine.

Our tongues entwined with each other and our eyes were closed. Without even opening our eyes, we could feel my clothes coming off, his towel flying away somewhere. I was lying down on my back on the bed and he was by my side. His strong arms clutched me towards him. He grabbed my head with one hand and pulled me by my butt towards him, never letting go of my lips. The kiss lasted for a life time!

When finally, we opened our eyes, we got to see each others' naked bodies for the first time. What I saw left me speechless! He could surely put David of Michaelangelo to shame. Yet, what made him even sexier was that he had a heart full of love! David was sculpted out of stone. This David was real! This one loved me!

He too loved what he saw! We didn't say a word to each other referring to each other's bodies. Our actions did all the talking. His hand glided down my neck to my back. Next, he pinned me down to the bed and came over me. He looked directly into my eyes and I looked up to his. He came down on me started kissing my neck, my shoulders. He started to lick every inch that he could reach. He worked his way down my neck, shoulders, to my chest! He bit into my smooth chest and gave me a hickey. He nibbled on my nipples and my earlobes. He licked every corner of my armpits. I clasped him with my arms and my finger nails went down his back. I played with his hair as he made me see stars with his magic.

It was my time to take charge. I rolled him over and climbed on him. He was smiling and it was clear to me that he was indeed liking every bit of it. I started the same way as he did. I started by licking his neck, poking my tongue into his ears and gently nibbling on them. My tongue glided down his shoulders to his biceps and then to his armpits. My hands tickled him on his waist. I moved back to his neck and gave him a love bite! He grabbed my head towards him as my teeth bit into his neck. When I was over with it, I saw that a huge hickey had appeared on the left side of his neck. I went down to his chest and licked every inch of it. He squealed in delight as my tongue encircled his navel. I nibbled on his love handles and it drove him into the peak of frenzy.

What happened next will go down as the most memorable night of my life! We did everything that was possible for two men to do to each other but what made it special was that it was not out of just lust! It was not 'sex'. It was love making. When we were spent, we lay in each other's arms. He held me close to him and my head was buried in his chest! We kissed once more. The CD had come back to the same song.

Gone are the days, when the sun used to set...
On my empty heart all alone in my bed...
Tossing and turning emotions were strong...
I knew I had to hold on...
Waiting for tonight when you'd be here in my arms...
Waiting for tonight!

To be continued...