Crush Rush

February 14th, Valentine’s Day!!……’Oh boy, what joy, when will anyone love moi?!’, Neil grumbled, propping himself up on his bed, yawning precariously……’Well, might as well go to college, no point brooding in here all day.….who knows, my crush just might smile back, or maybe even gift me a card or something?!!!’, he perked up. ‘Oh, it’s no use, I know it’ll never turn out the way I want it to, first of all, Henry hasn’t an inkling that I adore him, secondly, he doesn’t even know I’m gay, and I have grave doubts he’s one either, last but not the least, why the hell will he wish me when he has all those gals swooning over him?!’, conflicting thoughts fleeting through his mind, Neil forced himself out of bed and went over to the mirror…….he didn’t quite relish what he saw, a reflection of tousled hair, groggy eyes still heavy with slumber, a few slight scars from early adolescent acne, but a still evenly featured, and cute face…….’Neil O’Brian, you don’t look bad, especially when you’re groomed, just don’t be such a sadist, perceive a winning image for yourself, and the world will perceive you in that image, so buck up, get ready, and go show Henry what you are!.….if the worst comes to worst, the only drawback is that the whole campus will run amok with the sensation that their star choir vocalist is a gay!!….but who cares?!!……I don’t, at-least, not much!…..I just want Henry to know I care for him like hell, I cant bottle it up any more, it’s getting me unnerved!!’, Neil recalled how he’d gone all wobbly when he’d seen Henry’s handsome face looking straight into him during music rehearsals the past week……at-least they shared one common interest, music….while Neil was a good singer, Henry Kluger, 2 years his senior at college, was an aspiring guitarist……Neil couldn’t forget the first time he’d seen Henry at music class, a 6’ athletic muscular frame, his toned muscles clearly outlined through his black turtleneck, his body hugging faded denims, and Nike sneakers…….a jaw and mouth that could have been carved by a sculptor, steely blue eyes, and an aquiline nose, a tanned flawless skin, his almost perfect face framed by his dark wavy hair……and his smile, warm, genuine, a perfect set of white teeth, and the rest was history…….Neil, wondered what this hunk of a guy was doing in a music class?…..he would have been the stage-idol had he pursued theatre, or even more popular as a football star!……but what luck!, he was a guitarist, and Neil could steal glances at his ‘crush’ almost everyday…….and he realized, he seemed to want Henry more with each day!!…….But, Neil was also quick to note, Henry Kluger held an irresistible charm not just for him, but many of the other guys, and all the girls at their university!…...as to whom Henry liked, that was an unsolved mystery, although he was seen to date some of the lasses, he wasn’t rumored to be in a steady relationship with anyone…….’God, even if he is a gay, he would never come to like me, forget losing his marbles for me!!’…….Neil once again glanced at his reflection…….5’10”, lean and average built, fair and fit, large hazel eyes, a cute, impish face topped with hay-blonde close-cropped hair…….’Not bad, not bad at all, now all I need is a hot shower, shave, some stunning outfit and a red rose, and I’d be ready for him!’, Neil giggled self-amused………as he headed for the bathroom he sighed…….’If only, my thoughts could reach him now, and he notices me…….sigh……oh well, lets see what the girls surprise him with, bet he’ll get a million roses today!…….hope he accepts mine?!!’………
Neil was right, Henry was floundered with flowers……cards, little gifts-‘tokens of love for our gorgeous-greek-god-guitarist’ the girls had chorused!……Seeing Henry smile sublimely as he received end number of such delights, not to mention chocolates, Neil tried to gear up and approach the guy who had intimidated him for the past 10 months……..in the beginning, Neil was drawn towards Henry’s drop-dead looks, then it was his talent at music, and lately, Henry’s inner charm, absolutely oozing with bonhomie. Today, Henry looked particularly attractive in black slacks, leather boots, a red v-neck sweater, which being a size smaller, accentuated his V-shaped torso, and shapely biceps……freshly shaved, he was fragrant with musk cologne, while his damp hair freshly smelled of shampoo…….’He’s too sexy, he’s looking divine today!’, were the whispers that were ushered, not just by the students, but even the professors and teachers at campus!!…….Neil had considered…….the only time he would be able to disclose his heart’s feelings to Henry would be right after music period, he thought, for it was too risky to do it after school timings, when everyone would be practically buzzing around the charismatic youth. Neil hoped his brown suede trousers, and cream polo-necked sweater, complete with designer shoes, and the new after shave lotion he’d tried that day was appealing, he didn’t want to look too bad at the act……..he had cancelled the idea of a rose, ’It’d seem too preposterous to do that on such impulse’, Neil pondered…….’I’ll just wish him…….a smile will do, if he gets any vibes, then all and good, otherwise, whatevva?!!’…….

The bell went off, and the students at music class dispersed slowly, filing out of the hall……it was a particularly spontaneous session today, their professor had asked some of the students to perform their favorite love tunes for all to share……Henry’s rendition of ‘Edlewiess’ and ‘Something Good’, from ‘Sound of Music’ was enthusiastically cheered…….When it was Neil’s turn, he had racked his brain hard, finally singing a Whitney Huston number, ‘The Greatest Love of All’……he remembered stealing a glance at Henry while singing…..Henry was seated casually on the corner stool, his arms embracing the guitar, as he played the chords in exact pitch to Neil’s melodious tones…….the class erupted into applause, though Neil wondered if it was Henry who ought to get credit, he’d stand no chance singing in stark silence, especially with Henry around!!...…his voice would have failed him in that case!!, but Henry had rushed to the rescue, and complimented the song with his guitar skills……Now that the class was over, Neil braced himself, he was about to do what he’d never dreamt of doing before……to tell his ‘crush’ Henry, that he was a fantastic performer, a wonderful guy…….and that he, Neil O’Brian, was madly in love with him!!……

‘Err, excuse me…..Henry…..Hii!…..I just wanted to tell you, that was a mighty good performance you gave in there, and thanks a lot for backing me up…..I was kinda jittery, but it seemed ok in aide of the music don’t you think?’, Neil inquired, trying to move Henry a bit to the side of the corridor they were passing, but in vain, for Henry was already swamped with his ‘music-fans’……still, Henry detached from the chattering crowd……and slowed down to meet Neil’s eyes……..

As Henry’s eyes penetrated into his own, Neil again felt that familiar sensation of ‘rubber-knees’……yet he held firm…..and boldly repeated, ‘So Henry, what did you think, did I do alright in there?’……Neil’s eyes searching into the blue depths of Henry’s for some sign…..
‘You were beautiful O’Brian……and you chose a good number too, though Neil, try concentrating on the higher pitches, you’re voice wavered a bit there, but otherwise, a most splendid performance, I wanted to personally compliment you for it, thanks for giving me that chance…..Neil’, Neil felt as if he was losing himself in that deep voice……he quickly regained…..
‘It’s Valentine’s today isn’t it?…..I saw you were being showered with every possible gift and card, you’re seat has become a local shrine today…..it’s flooded!’, Neil managed to mumble, as Henry’s look sent those shivers down to his core……Henry smiled, and most humbly replied, ‘Well, I’m flattered by their love, all I can do is perhaps give them my heart felt thanks, and best wishes, that’s all I have’…….Neil at once grasped the words…..Henry said warm wishes, he didn’t say he ‘loved’ all his admirers!…..that means, Henry is particular about who he ‘loves’, even if that is behind a mask of superficiality……Henry does love someone……..

‘Well, I just wanted to wish you all the best on this day Henry’, Neil voiced, smiling warmly at his ‘dream-guy’…….and in his mind he was praying, ‘Oh Lord, just let him know I care for him, and love him truly, I don’t want him, I can love him from a distance, but just let him know’……
Henry once again stared into Neil’s light hazel eyes…….eyes that twinkled with some sparkling serenity……as Henry looked into that cute face, a striking resemblance struck him……when he was younger, Henry had tried to visualize what a love-cupid would have looked like!…..now as he saw the smiling angelic face before him……Henry thought……’If there were really cupids out there, I’d title Neil as one, he looks lovable!’…….

Neil didn’t notice the hand Henry had struck out, gesturing a hand shake, Neil’s trance was broken only when he felt Henry’s firm but gentle hand on his shoulder……suddenly he was back…….mustering one last smile at ‘his love’, Neil abruptly turned and walked away……A somewhat surprised Henry was rooted to the spot…….the magic of that sweet smile hadn’t worn off him yet….and he didn’t realize, Neil’s sudden departure was just coz Neil had wanted to hide that lone tear that trickled down his cheek as he retreated…….Neil had decided…….he had tried to convey his love through his thoughts……if they didn’t work, then his words would be useless……..

Neil didn’t know……..his thoughts….had reached Henry……..The final bell was announced, the day at college was over…….Neil was the last student to amble out of his classroom……the corridors were deserted……the head-peon was busy barricading the administrative offices with security locks……while the sweeper was doing his last rounds on the grounds…….the campus appeared strangely lifeless……or was it that Neil felt like that??…….as he passed the music hall, the doors now locked, he recollected the scene that occurred on that spot earlier that day……Henry’s hand on his shoulder…..and the sudden rush of emotion he’d felt welling up within, and his hasty return, just an excuse to shield his single tear……..He envisioned Henry…….the answer to every women’s dream……and if he was gay, or even a bisexual, he’d be the answer to every other gay man’s fantasies!…….he pictured all those 10 months of seeing him during the day, and thinking about him during the night……..he’d dreamt of sharing, with Henry, wild passionate nights, romantic evenings, endless conversations, silent walks on the beaches, trekking expeditions, star gazing, scooba-diving, ice-skating, live-duet-performances…….and so many more special moments…….but now they all seemed distant……and hazy…….Neil remembered, that morning, when he’d awoken, he’d crossed his fingers and hoped that Henry was a gay, that all those smiles and dates he was putting on for the girls was all just to play along……..Neil had dreamt last night……that Henry would present him with a red rose that Valentine’s, as a token, to represent the respect, the admiration, the appreciation, and the affection and awe they treasured for each other……’Ha Ha!, yeah right, why would he ever give me a red rose?!….what am I to him in front of those always jabbering, giggling, gossiping, flirting, chirping birdies hovering around him?!…..somehow till now, I felt….well……that they weren’t his type……that he’d be different…..but what does that matter now?…..I guess I was wrong, maybe I did have a crush on a straight guy?…..it’s alright, we all are allowed mistakes once in a lifetime……but he seemed so……..well…..good, any ways, maybe in our next lifetime eh Henry?!’, Neil was talking to himself…….as he neared the gates of the campus……after strolling over the empty grounds……he was met with a totally unexpected sight…..Henry……dear Henry…..same red sweater, black pants, black shoes, same smart, sexy guy……but with a somewhat different smile….and a somehow different twinkle to his alluring blue eyes…….a flash at those perfect set of teeth as Henry opened his mouth to slowly say, ‘Hello Neil, what kept you?, I’ve been waiting here!…….I had something to tell you too……but first……’Henry’s right hand came abreast from behind him…….he held it up……in his hand was nestled…….a lovely red rose…….which he wanted to gift to his ‘crush’ since the last 10 months…….Neil!!……. And so their search ends here….and a journey begins…….’And boy, what a journey!……Oh boy! What joy! I have you to love moi!!’……..